A wife gives better than a mistress. Why is it better to be a mistress than a wife. What factors affect men's choice
And again I write about a sore subject. How painful it is for a woman to face infidelity. To know that her husband has another ... hugs another ... kisses another ... speaks words of love to another ...
Surely, any of the wives, faced with the betrayal of her husband, asked herself the question: “What is the best mistress?”
Letter
« He has a wonderful wife and two wonderful children. He feels good with her, warm and homely. He always returned home, where comfort, cleanliness and a delicious dinner awaited him. His wife was an excellent housewife and the best mother.
But in his wife there was never something that attracted him to HER so much. There was no that alluring peppercorn, bitchiness.
SHE - the exact opposite of his wife - absolutely did not know how to cook. She lived for herself. Well-groomed, impudent, beautiful, with an excellent figure. She always beckoned him. Their relationship lasted for five years, and all this time he skillfully hid them from his wife.
At times it was difficult for him. Basking with his mistress under the rays of the southern sun, he recalled that it would not be bad to take his family on vacation.
He loved his wife and took good care of the family. But this love for his wife is not like that. It has no spark, no passion. A wife for him is a faithful reliable friend who will be there in any situation. He did not see his life without his wife. And without HER. He loved both women.
And he thought that it would always be so, that he would not have to choose. He was comfortable in this position until his mistress wanted more. She was no longer satisfied with joint vacation trips and rare meetings. She became jealous of his family, and in her phrases it was increasingly possible to read that it was time to move to another level of relations. But how could he choose, because they are so different and so loved."
Male betrayal - the norm or betrayal
6-month program: to help you survive infidelity.
With love,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey
Male attention is easy and difficult to earn at the same time. Usually it happens like this: easy - when you don’t really need this young man, and it’s just a matter of “sporting interest”, then you don’t have to put in almost any effort: he goes crazy and persistently tries to achieve location. And it's difficult - when you yourself do not have a soul in a person who has a sweet heart, but he does not pay any attention to you at all. Such is the law of meanness. Such is the paradox of modernity: if you love, they don't love you; if you don't love, they adore you. That's exactly the way married women behave. At first they do not pay attention to the husband, for many years life together with which they managed to get used to and plunge into the gray everyday life of household chores, and then they begin to tear and throw, trying to curb the feeling of possessiveness and somehow return the husband's disposition when his young mistress appears on the battlefield. On whose side in such cases the internal scales are outweighed young man, if on both bowls there are two women chosen by him? Who do men prefer: wives or mistresses?
The importance of a wife in a man's life
When a man marries a woman, he makes a conscious choice. He really thinks that this relationship will last for many years of living together, and he really believes in a happy future for their young couple. But very often it happens that in the declining years or even after some short period of time after the day of marriage, a direct threat becomes a direct threat on the way of an already established family and an established marriage - a young mistress. From this moment the "adventure" begins. The most interesting thing is that from this moment on, a man does not look deep into the soul and intentions of his new passion, but begins to critically examine his wife from all possible angles, finding fault with her features, starting with her scandalousness and ending with harmless habits. During this period, a man thinks about the importance of his wife in his life: does he need her at all? After all, now in his life began new stage, he is open to new sensations, new events that he wants and is ready to meet with a new passion, a new love.
To go on vacation with a mistress, not to hide from anyone, to feel free with a new passion - all this is what a winged man wants so much at first. He basks in a new passion, plunging into it almost headlong. But somewhere out there, in the far corners of his subconscious, a man begins to look for the answer to the question "Do I love my wife or not anymore?" At some unshakable level, with a sixth sense or a special instinct, he feels a slight anxiety that his wife will disappear somewhere, she will not be there, and she will never make him a cup of hot coffee in the morning, she will never iron his shirt before work, he will never quarrel with her because of another financial disagreement ... This moment holds back the newly-made Casanova, and he faces a difficult choice: is it a wife or a mistress?
The value of a mistress in a man's life
Speaking of homeowners, it can be noted that men look at them a little differently than at their wives. Tying up a relationship with another woman, the young man begins to falsely think that before that he did not live at all, did not love, was not happy. And only now, being imprisoned in the "shackles" of marriage, he met the one that he had been waiting for, it would seem, all his life. Mistresses in the lives of men are, as it were, a lifeline. In the routine of everyday life and gray everyday life, women diversify the “boring” life of young people for one night or for a long period. They attach particular importance to their connections on the side. And the moment of rapprochement with another woman plunges them not only into the abyss of passions and new pleasant emotional upheavals, but also into confusion about how to be now, because the lawful wife is waiting at home ...
What a man does not accept in a woman
When a man analyzes the question of who is better - a wife or a mistress, he immediately begins his comparative process by exposing the bad habits of his young ladies. Unfortunately, often it is the wife who is criticized. And all because he managed to get to know his wife quite well over the years of living together, and his mistress looks “white and fluffy” in the light of a newly made acquaintance with his married gentleman. What do men dislike so much about their women?
- Grumpiness is one of the first factors that does not play into the hands of a spouse.
- Ordinary in sexual life - often this very moment makes a man go "to the left".
- Boredom - against the background of the appearance of such a sweet and interesting interlocutor in the face of a new passion, the wife becomes dim and dull in the eyes of a man.
What factors affect men's choice
In addition to the negative nuances, the young man, confused and doubting his choice, also evaluates the positive aspects of spending time together with each of the women. In his difficult question - whom to choose: a wife or a mistress, he relies on several specific criteria for comparison. What are these criteria?
- Sex. For men, there is nothing more important than physical contact with a lover. This is, so to speak, the starting point in his relations with the ladies.
- Feelings. In addition to carnal pleasures, young people often want to emotionalize with their lady of the heart, so they also rely on their feelings in relation to both contenders for themselves.
- Weasel. That woman who shows not grumpiness, but care, not a mania for scandals, but a tendency to participate, occupies a leading position in the evaluation series of a man.
- Cosiness. Every man wants to feel close to his woman "at home". And it doesn’t matter where their unity takes place - at the metro station or in a restaurant, the main thing is that he feels comfortable next to her.
- Understanding. Men are like big children, they want to be listened to, pitied, agreed with their opinion. Therefore, understanding with a woman and her ability to indulge him plays a rather important role in his list of aspects of his assessment of women.
Consideration of each specific criterion in more detail allows representatives of the strong half of humanity to make a more deliberate choice on the question of who is better: a wife or a mistress.
Criterion of sex life
A mega-important factor for a young man in a relationship with a woman is sex life. In fact, men, if they leave their wives for other young ladies, do it initially solely because of their sexual attraction to the new applicant. Such cases of male adultery are especially frequent in cases where the wife is older. In addition to the fact that the years go by, and the wife does not get younger, men get bored, as they put it, “the same borscht” for a long time. I also want to have a "soup sip". Therefore, choosing between a wife and a mistress precisely on the basis of sexual attractiveness, men prefer young professional women, not even realizing that a woman, like a flower, blooms in the hands of an experienced gardener. A wife, if desired, can become that other wizard in bed matters, you just need to be able to properly handle her and behave accordingly.
Criteria of care and attention
Often men are deceived in their understanding of the mistress. Here he lies next to his new chosen one and thinks: “It seems that I love my wife. But the lover is so sweet, kind, caring, attentive ... ". Men should understand one thing for a long time: a mistress is a second wife. It is only at first, at the moment of the candy-bouquet period, she behaves like an affectionate kitty with her "tiger cub". She is just waiting for him to visit, and they have a pleasant time together, without scandals about finances, without "snotty" children, without eternal complaints. This world is illusory. And, importantly, it is temporary. As soon as a young man dares to leave the family and make his mistress his wife, she becomes that “dragon”, often worse than the previous grumpy “abandoned”. Therefore, before making a choice, a man should think a thousand times whether the game is worth the candle.
Participation Criteria
The same goes for women's behavior. If a man does not understand who he loves more - his wife or his mistress, he often begins to analyze the attitude of both women towards him. Here is a legal wife: she is often unhappy that he forgets to take out the garbage in the morning, or constantly complains that he does not let her watch her favorite series on Saturday night because of a football review, and the like. And there is a charmer, young, beautiful, she is so caring, so sympathetic to his failures, so supports him with a kind word ... Probably, you should choose her. The answer is obviously wrong. This is the same situation that was described above: only the initial stage of the relationship is formed in a similar vein. Sly young ladies will go to the wrong lengths to get their way and take their beloved man away from the family. And then they show their true selves. Therefore, you should not rush to the sympathy of your mistress, because often this is just self-deception.
comfort criterion
But if all the previous moments are considered by a young man through the prism of "rose-colored glasses" with highlighting the image of a beauty on the side, then in terms of family comfort, all the pluses are exclusively on the side of the wife. The wife is the woman who washes, strokes, feeds, waters her husband, she is the keeper of the hearth. And, no matter what happens, no matter what family troubles befall a married couple, it is always more pleasant for a man to return home, where it is clean, warm and just good.
Understanding criterion
When looking for an answer to the question of who is more important - a wife or a lover, one should also take into account the fact that the years she has lived with her wife give her the opportunity to learn absolutely everything about her husband, to look into the darkest corners of his soul. The wife, like no one else, understands and accepts her lawful spouse, putting up with all his oddities. Another thing is love. After all, she sees only a shell, what a man wants to show her in order to please her. She does not fully understand what difficulties, troubles, and perhaps even disappointment await her with him. She did not have time to recognize his nature, unlike his wife, who studied him as flaky. Therefore, the wife this issue a man has a priority: she is wise, she is understanding, she is more picky in the habits of her lover, especially if the wife is older than the young coquette on the side.
Trust criterion
The same goes for trust: it is much easier for a wife to trust, because she knows stories from the past, from childhood, from the difficult times that a man had to go through. While before his new passion, he cannot fully open up, being afraid to frighten her away or disappoint her with the baggage of events, not always positive, that he has behind him.
Comfort criterion
A man who faces a choice between two women is often lost, anxious, and upset. The complexity of the task assigned to him depresses him, and he rushes between his wife and mistress. The psychologist's advice in this case is aimed at analyzing the man's sense of self while being with each of them: the young man must understand with whom he is more comfortable to be around, in whom he feels of great importance. Experts recommend the following technique: in order to understand who he is better off with, a man needs to imagine a situation in which one of the women disappears from his life forever. The one who is dearer to him and whom he is more afraid of losing is the only right choice.
Feeling criterion
And finally, love. A man needs to sort out his feelings. And here one should not confuse fleeting love with a long-standing well-established feeling of affection, deep respect, sincere empathy. Fortunately, many young people at the end of their own introspection understand that an old faithful friend is better than two new ones. Therefore, more often they still choose wives.
Wife And mistress These are two people who constantly compete with each other. Every woman at least once in her life wonders who is better to be: a mistress or a wife? Men prefer different women, because everyone has their own taste and their views on relationships.
It's obvious why mistress to be better than a wife, because this is a woman who has time for herself and she constantly spends time only on her own entertainment. The wife is forced to clean, iron and wash, as well as cook lunches and dinners for the whole family. However, everything is not quite as simple as it seems at first glance. Below you will find a list of the advantages of a wife over a mistress, so you can draw conclusions for yourself and make the right decision.
What are the advantages of a wife?
1. The man of the mistress is not permanent. This is due to the fact that the wife can at any time find a job for him or ask him to go to his parents. A mistress can spend the evening in splendid isolation if the spouse wants to leave her husband at home. It really seems like a small thing, but over time, the mistress feels that she is a fallback with no choice. The wife has the right to include her husband in household work and force him to take part in the upbringing of children, so he may not have time for his mistress.
2. Leaving a lover is easier. If a man and a woman are married, then it will not be so easy to refuse each other. To do this, you must submit an application, complete all the paperwork and divide the property. What needs to be done in order to break up with his mistress? Just say goodbye. That is why we can safely say that relationships with a mistress are simpler and more unstable.
If men just a bad mood, and he does not want to communicate with his, he can just change the number and stop appearing in her life. Such a trick will not work with a wife, because life, children and a lot of relatives and friends are connected with her. A mistress should always be ready that at any moment her loved one can disappear without explanation, and this is not so easy when it comes to the moral factor.
3. Lover - fallback. A man can cheat on his wife at any convenient moment if something does not suit him. Of course, it is not so easy for a woman to understand, but sometimes you should be prepared for different situations. If the wife did not please her in some way or ceased to meet the expectations of a loved one, he begins to look for a replacement for her. The mistress is sure that she has become the one and only for him, but in reality this is not so. He just found a replacement for his wife for a while. But as soon as the wife changes for the better, he will return.
The lover in this case is left with nothing, which is not very Nice. When a wife refuses sex, looks bad or does not act as her husband would like, he is looking for a mistress for a while, but does not break off relations with his wife. Mistresses of an unfaithful man change often, and sooner or later he comes to his wife. If you want to always be a fallback option, then this is your choice, but it's worth thinking a few times and weighing the pros and cons.
4. Mistress doomed to a family without a father. Sooner or later, every woman wakes up with a desire to give birth to a child and create a full-fledged family, but if she is a lover, then the baby will have to be raised on her own. Of course, it happens that a husband leaves his wife for a mistress, but this happens so rarely, therefore it is rather an exception to the rule. Married man, most likely, will not want children if he already has them from marriage. The maximum that a mistress can count on in the process of raising a child is financial assistance. Are you ready to raise a baby on your own without the guardianship of a father? You decide.
5. In front of his wife, the husband does not try to play. Many women face disappointment when a man shows his best at the beginning of a relationship, and then shows his true essence. How to solve this task? Marry someone you already know well enough. The problem of the mistress in this case is that she does not know the person with whom she has an intimate relationship.
He tries with all his might to show himself from the best side, win her heart and become perfect in her eyes. Most often, women get upset and realize that this is not the person they need. The wife knows her husband very well, and he does not play in front of her. The riddle in a man, of course, is very attractive, but over time, any woman wants coziness, comfort and stability, which a man who sometimes comes to her cannot give.
6. Wife gets her portion of attention. Even if the relationship between the spouses has deteriorated, he sometimes pays attention to her. He goes to his mistress only when he wants to, so she has to put up with the fact that he decides everything himself. He owes nothing to her, and sometimes he can disappear for several weeks and not call.
There is a duty to his wife in any case, so she can be sure that she will receive attention from him. If a man does not want to give flowers to his mistress, then he may not do this, referring to various difficulties and problems. He will still bring a bouquet of flowers to his wife, because otherwise acquaintances will look askance, and relatives will condemn.
As a result, it turns out that she constantly hides, hides and is silent when relatives and friends ask her about her personal life. Many mistresses soon get bored of this, so they break off relations or start writing and calling the wife of a loved one. If you are married, then you do not need to be silent about your relationship. All friends can help with advice, come to visit, you and your husband can always get together big company and go on a picnic.
8. relationship stability. If the wife makes an effort and pleases her beloved husband not only with a delicious dinner, but also with excellent sex, he will be with her. This means that on cold evenings he will warm her, and if he gets sick, he will give a pill and call a doctor. A mistress cannot even dream of stability, because a man needs her only for sex, everything else does not interest him.
If he wanted to create a life together with her and become help and support, he would divorce his wife and start a new relationship. That is why it can be clearly said that if you learn to be a good wife, you can enjoy the stability and constancy of your loved one.
Many people think that being a mistress is disgusting, bad and humiliating. This role of a woman is often condemned, and jealous wives often make whole lists of signs by which one can distinguish a husband's girlfriend from a mistress. Not only do you have to constantly play a “secondary role”, you also have to be tormented by remorse (if you have one, of course) and think about your deceived wife. Yes, and going out with your gentleman will not work: most men carefully hide the presence of a mistress, and a joint walk where mutual friends or acquaintances can see you is an extra unmasking. However, being a mistress is better for many reasons: while you enjoy the attention and care of your man, the legal wife is often content with reproaches and "duty" gifts, which are always tied to dates. We tried to figure out in as much detail as possible what reasons indicate that being a mistress is much better, and even conducted a small survey: you can find the stories of our readers in this article.
Reason one: you are not loaded with everyday life
If you have a lover (and not a husband or young man), then you are probably not familiar with all the “charms” of living together: mistresses rarely cook breakfasts, lunches and three-course dinners for their men, do not do laundry and cleaning. Housework, of course, is sometimes nice to do for your beloved man, but you won’t do it around the clock! In the status of a mistress, you get rid of the domestic routine and everyday life, but you still get male attention and care. And a wife who blows a speck of dust off her husband may not get anything like that, and you can completely forget about pleasant gifts for no reason. Here is a story sent to us by one of our readers.
Elena, 25 years old:
I met Mikhail as soon as I changed jobs: he helped me a lot to get used to the new team, suggested what and where, told me how best to deal with recalcitrant office equipment. My new colleague immediately seemed very nice to me, and it seems that he liked me too. By nature, I am not a modest person and certainly not a hypocrite, so when Misha suddenly invited me to watch a movie at his place (the evening clearly promised to be with a “continuation”), I agreed. The massive ring on the ring finger, of course, was hard to miss, so I saw it too. In addition, already at Mikhail it became clear that a woman’s hand was clearly “attached” to the comfort in the house. This didn’t bother me at all: it just so happened that at 25 I had a difficult and absolutely hopeless marriage behind me. Now, fortunately, ex-husband Nothing binds me anymore, but I still remember the time when we lived together with a shudder. Coming home from hard work, I was forced to do household chores, as if working a second shift. Cooking, cleaning, laundry - you can't list them all. By evening, I was exhausted so that I no longer had the strength for something other than sleep. Now the relationship with Misha suits me completely: I don’t feel any remorse, but I just enjoy life and the attention of my man. I regret only one thing: that I did not guess to get a divorce much earlier.
Reason two: there is always excitement in your relationship, and it definitely won't get boring.
It's no secret that relationships cool over the years, become more boring and predictable. For example, in a ten-year marriage, spouses often perceive each other akin to reading a book: everything has been known for a long time, and interest is slowly fading away. In most cases, it is because of the feeling of novelty, which is not found in marriage, that men have lovers. Since meetings with a mistress are most often short and unpredictable, excitement and interest will never disappear in such a relationship. These sensations, contrary to popular belief, are needed not only by men: women can just as well get tired of boring and monotonous relationships. A similar situation occurred with the heroine of this story.
Anna, 33 years old:
I have been married to my husband for nine years. Of course, a lot has happened during this time: we quarreled, reconciled, converged and dispersed, but in the end we still remained one family. About six months ago, I began to understand that everything had changed: nothing more connected me and my husband. Of the common, perhaps, only our children remained, but they will not be able to forever keep a marriage that is bursting at the seams. Still, I didn’t want to “cut off my shoulder”, so I decided that it was worth trying to get to know another man. Relations with Viktor, whom I met on a dating site, really brought something new into my life: in the morning I again wanted to get up with a smile, and even my husband noticed that I somehow imperceptibly got prettier. Whether my husband is aware that I have another man, I don’t know: my husband spends a lot of time at work, and therefore, probably, he won’t guess soon. Nevertheless, I don’t want to destroy what is left of the family: for so many years we have become so accustomed to each other, and the children will worry. I don’t plan to part with Victor either: in the end, time will tell whether we should be together.
Reason #3: You will have more time for yourself.
Due to the fact that you meet a man infrequently, you have more time that you can spend on yourself: visit your favorite beauty salon, get a haircut, a neat manicure, or simply have a good time alone with yourself, lying on the couch with your beloved a book or soaking in a bubble bath. The attitude of a man towards you will be a great motivation to start taking care of yourself. Marina, with whom this story happened, also tells about this.
Marina, 24 years old:
Me and my young man Dmitry, preparing for the wedding, decided to move in together: it’s still more economical, and it certainly doesn’t interfere with checking whether we are able to “get along” together in the same territory. Well, said and done: we decided to live in my apartment, and in a few days Dmitry moved his things. For some time we had quarrels over trifles: either he would not close the bread box and everything would dry out, or out of habit I would sit down with a pedicure in the middle of the room. Domestic quarrels faded away, but, despite this, it turned out that I had absolutely no time left for my own affairs. Either Dima's friends will come just when I was planning to arrange a small spa vacation for myself, or suddenly Dima himself decides that I simply have to devote the evening to watching his favorite movie (and it doesn’t matter that we have already seen it twenty times, but I want to sleep ). No conversations helped, and in the end we decided to leave - it was impossible to continue all this, so Dima moved out, and I stayed in an empty apartment. Somehow inadvertently I went to the mirror and was horrified: what have I turned into! Bruises under the eyes from lack of sleep, hands peeled here and there from constant washing dishes and scrubbing the floors ... In a word, the view is terrible. But now there was no point in killing myself like that, and I threw all my strength into putting myself in order. This paid off: after some time, I began to meet a very handsome man, whom I could only dream of before. I did not immediately find out that he was married, but in the end I was not particularly upset: I definitely don’t need marriage now, and my life together was enough. Now I finally have time for everything that I have been putting off for so long: I have time to take care of myself and do my favorite hobbies, and my new man supports me in every possible way.