Stingy lover. Signs that a lover is greedy - what to do? Greedy young man or friend
Tanya and Maxim were a wonderful couple that all their friends looked up to. Tanya is smart and beautiful, she defended her dissertation last year. Maxim is a jack of all trades, hardworking and economic. Tannin's girlfriends always set Maxim as an example to their men. Like, it’s you who don’t know how, but Maxim himself assembled the kitchen, and washing machine connected, and went to Poland for a lawn mower for a summer residence. But one evening, when the girlfriends got together, this ideal was shattered. Tanya seemed to burst that evening ...
Girls, - she began to sigh, - how hard it is with him! He's not just tight-fisted, he's a real tight-fisted. Over the past three years, Maxim has not only never bought me flowers, he “saws” me for every ruble I have earned. He goes to a “distant” store only because it is 2 rubles cheaper there. And in the market... If you only knew what's going on in the market! First, he will go around all the tents and find out all the prices. Then he chooses a tent where the goods are cheapest and starts haggling. Personally, I just feel ashamed. The seller sees that in front of him is a decently dressed, one might even say, well-groomed man, but behaves like a beggar ...
What is the problem?
And the problem is that an adult, completely formed person does not even assume that he is a miser, that he behaves, to put it mildly, uncivilized and consumerist.
- I do not consider myself a miser, - says Dima. - I just rational person. - And begins to tell what a bitch he was ex girlfriend Ira:
“Imagine,” he complained. - For $ 150 additional payment, Irka took a part-time job. She came home angry, tired and ran into me because of unwashed dishes. And I told her:
- Ira, why do you need a second job if you are returning home? It would be better if you worked on one, but kind and fluffy came and washed the dishes yourself. I'm making good money.
“Dima, I haven’t seen your money in your eyes,” Ira snapped. I don't even know how much you earn. And I need money to pay for my studies and help my mother. And in the summer I want to go.
How this statement infuriated Dima! He just went out:
- What do you care about my money? Do you live and need nothing? What, you have nothing to eat? Or are you walking barefoot down the street?
A few months later, Ira and Dima broke up. Since then, Dima has only been doing what he tells his friends about the bitchiness and greed of his ex-girlfriend. And in his own eye he does not notice the log ...
The test for miserliness
Present. When meeting with a miser, do not particularly count on gifts. Those rare cases when he decides to give you something will definitely turn out to be your birthday or New Year. But the value of these gifts will be entirely emotional, not real, just like in the KVN game:
- I thought for a long time what to give as a present: - it's trite, a cassette with good videos is expensive ... Therefore, I decided to give a postcard.
In addition to a postcard, you can count on a modest bouquet, a box of chocolates, or a completely useless figurine or vase.
Flowers. If your lover is a miser, you can be sure that he considers "money thrown to the wind." The most you can hope for is three carnations for March 8 or wild flowers (“I was driving, I picked it up on the road ...”)
Goodbye. Dates with a miser go the same way. They all come down to walking around the city, because it's incredibly cheap. You look sadly at the neon windows of coffee shops passing by and inhale the aroma of freshly baked buns, which, alas, the miser will never “go broke”.
Transport. Taxi - "taboo" for the miser. If you're worrying about own security, you decide to call a taxi to get from your boyfriend's house to your own, you will see a disapproving look and an offer to stay "at his place". And no one cares that you have nothing to change into, that you do not have a toothbrush, hair dryer and cosmetics. Of course, you can take a taxi, but you will pay for it yourself. It’s not even a fact that a trip by public transport will be paid for by your friend, especially if it’s a minibus. Often a stingy girl has to pay herself.
Spiritual values above all. The miser constantly emphasizes that he appreciates kindness and disinterestedness in girls. At the same time, he tells how mercilessly his ex-girlfriend “milked” him, and resolutely declares that he will not allow this to happen again. You understand that these words apply to you and that signs of attention cannot be expected.
Vacation. Do not even hope that a mean man will pay for your joint trip. He may, unexpectedly for you, leave alone, saying that “by chance he was offered to take two weeks of vacation” and he instantly flew away on a “burning ticket”. And if, nevertheless, you are traveling together, then the question of “share” in the costs will arise in any case. There are two possible scenarios here. A man will tell you this directly, or in the middle of a vacation he will “suddenly” run out of money, and you will have to pay for everything alone.
Hard times. Even if you are not a fan of complaining about financial difficulties, there are moments in the life of every woman when there is no money. The miser will ignore your complaints about the difficult financial situation. But even if he notices, he will confine himself to simple sympathy. The most "broad" gesture that a miser is capable of is to offer to give you money in - his own or borrowed from relatives. Both options will assume that you must repay the debt. If (God forbid!), you do not return this money (and even if he has the tact not to demand it from you), he will never offer his help again.
How to deal with a miserly boyfriend?
It would be naive to assume that the miser will improve. But you can try to correct his behavior. The main thing is to act gradually and patiently.
1. 50 to 50. If you find yourself buying all the groceries, paying the rent, and buying DVDs for your nights alone, you need to stop and think. It is necessary to divide the costs at least in half. To do this, you can write down all the expenses, and put the list of expenses in a prominent place - so that “everyone” can see it. In the end, you can even openly offer to pay half for everything.
2. Pity. You can put pressure on pity, saying that you have absolutely no money. In this case, it is not necessary to lie. Everyone has financial difficulties from time to time. But out of “pride” and “self-esteem” you don’t need to keep silent about them and ask for money from your retired parents, making them upset because of your life disorder. Tell a man about your problems - he may want to help.
3. Cunning. You can go for a trick that borders on spontaneity. For example, as if nothing had happened, tell your man what gift Vadik gave Ira the other day, what Sashik presented to Katya ...
4. Outrage. In the end, you may even be indignant and express your dissatisfaction with the fact that “after all” you are not even honored with a box of your favorite chocolates or a few gerberas.
5. Organization. If you do not rely on the generosity of your gentleman, take care of your gift yourself. When a loved one asks about what you want to receive as a gift, do not be modest and say “choose it yourself”. Name the gift you really want. If the gentleman does not bother to ask about it, hint. As a last resort, you can entrust the mission of "notifying" the desired gift to your girlfriend or your mutual friend.
6. Jealousy. You can try to make a man jealous by telling you that the manager Anatoly brings you sweets almost every day, and the supply manager Anatoly Nikolayevich gives you the right to choose the most beautiful folders, diaries and other stationery for your department.
Of course, there is little hope for a correction of the miserly hope. Therefore, for yourself, you must immediately decide: either reconcile or disperse. True, when you disagree, a situation may arise, as in that joke:
Girl: You're so mean! I will never marry you
Greedy men are not uncommon in modern world. Sometimes the realization that the chosen one is "mean" comes to women late. How to recognize a "mean" in a man before starting a serious relationship? What is the difference between greed and economy? The information below will help you understand these issues.
The basis of behavior is laid in childhood. A man copies his father, grandfather, older brother, uncle, fully or partially adopting their negative and positive traits. Also, a little boy remembers the attitude of his father towards his mother, and in the future he will use the same behavior model. If the father in some way deprived the mother, then the future man will do the same, since such behavior for him is the norm, instilled from childhood.
The stinginess and greed that manifests itself at an older age are due to the following reasons:
- a lack of Money in family. A man, accustomed from childhood to save on everything, constantly listening to censure from his parents about his wastefulness, is prone to stinginess. Moreover, it is not at all necessary that a greedy man will subsequently grow out of a little boy. Psychology notes that a person, having become accomplished and having achieved certain material benefits, can be generous, but at the same time economical.
- Financial well-being in the family. Boys, spoiled from childhood by rich parents and knowing that the "best piece" will certainly be given to them, are also prone to stinginess. In relationships with the opposite sex, such greedy men will be selfish. They will not spend money on their beloved, while they will not save on their own hobbies and desires.
- The greed of father and mother. Avaricious parents from childhood instill greed in a future man. Here, sooner or later, stinginess will manifest itself, even if the young man was not greedy before.
What is the difference between greed and economy
Some women do not share these two completely different concepts. It is believed that if a man saves on his beloved, then such a man is a “mealer”. The stereotype that has developed over the years is almost impossible to break. But it is worth knowing that there is a thin line between saving and greed, only breaking which, a man becomes stingy.
What is the human irresistible desire to possess money, things, feelings of other people in an amount that significantly exceeds the norm.
Saving means giving up something in favor of conserving resources. That is, an economical person does not waste, but he does not accumulate his savings in vain.
Greedy men differ from economical ones in that they try not to save themselves from expenses, but, on the contrary, to spend finances on themselves and own desires, bypassing the desires of people close to them. An economical man will not disregard his beloved, even if he experiences some financial difficulties. Therefore, one should not confuse greed and economy, and one should not blame a young man for stinginess if, instead of a huge armful of roses, he presented you with a modest bouquet of wildflowers.
It is worth knowing that an economical man is an excellent candidate for husbands. With him, your family will not need, as he knows how to correctly plan expenses.
A greedy young man can never be a good husband. He will save not only on his beloved woman, but also on children.
first date
The first meeting with a man, according to many women, should be memorable. Flowers, a restaurant or a cafe, beautiful gestures, compliments - all this should be present. According to the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity, a man must impress, otherwise he simply will not be able to "hook" his chosen one.
On a first date, recognizing a greedy person is quite difficult, since the absence of flowers or money is far from an indicator of stinginess, but just a coincidence. Perhaps the man simply did not have time to buy flowers or forgot. However, greed can still be recognized by noting several nuances in the behavior of the chosen one.
Behavioral features of "mean" on the first date
Greedy men will never allow themselves to offer a lady an extra cup of coffee. And after a hint at her, a barely noticeable displeased grimace will twist. However, in the same way, with the exception of a grimace, inattentive or ill-mannered individuals can behave themselves.
In addition, a greedy man will not forget to casually or covertly mention that he does not have a lot of money. Almost any conversation will be translated on a financial topic. But there are nuances here: a self-respecting man will not discuss the lack of finances, even if he is "mean". The phrase “no money” will sound much later, when the relationship moves to a new level.
As practice shows, stingy representatives of the strong half of humanity at the first meeting with a lady, held in a cafe or restaurant, paying the bill, never leave a tip to the waiter.
Another important point worth paying attention to is how he looks at you while placing an order in a cafe. A frightened or heavy gaze indicates that your chosen one is a potential "mean".
What to do if you realize that your husband is a greedy person
It happens that after several years life together the man is greedy. What to do in this case? The main thing is not to put pressure on him and make sure that this is really a manifestation of greed, and not economy.
Greed for money does not always manifest itself immediately, and sometimes a woman connects her life with a man, not paying attention to his shortcomings. His pettiness and desire to control the expenses of the chosen one go unnoticed exactly until the moment when she becomes dependent on him. That is, as soon as for some reason a woman is left without work, the greed of her husband becomes more noticeable.
In this case, the best help is the negotiating table. Try calling him for a constructive dialogue, or use the tips below.
Joint purchases
Going grocery shopping together is great way show her husband the real value of the goods. Some men, not knowing the price of a particular product, begin to slander their wives, accusing them of squandering. This causes a storm of negativity in women, and they, obeying an emotional impulse, call their husbands greedy.
What to talk about with a man at this time? Communicate with him on topics removed from finance, the main thing is that the information be positive.
Payment of bills
Calculate the family budget together. Do not take full responsibility for yourself, but do not shift all payments to him. A man should see you as a support, a reliable friend who will support him in any matters.
If the spouse relates to joint expenses without proper understanding, then in this case you can entrust him once to pay for the kindergarten, utilities, Internet services and other things. However, this must be done without any reproach, without provoking a scandal.
What to talk about with a man in this situation? For example, tell him that you do not have time to visit the bank to pay bills, and interest will be charged on outstanding debt. Emphasize that only he can help you here.
Joint rest
Perhaps your beloved man is simply tired of exhausting work, and he needs rest. Spend time with him, away from children and family problems. This will strengthen the relationship, and help to survive the crisis.
Praise is the best panacea for greed
Praise your man as often as possible, feel free to compliment him. He must feel love, he needs care.
A man needs understanding and a warm attitude not less woman. To overcome the first manifestations of greed, it should be treated with some superiority. Do not be afraid to slightly exaggerate its merits, and downplay its shortcomings.
A wife is an example for her husband
Be an example for your loved one, give him gifts, just like that, for no reason. Small pleasant surprises will not leave him indifferent. Do you want to make your man generous? Be generous to him.
Do not skimp on emotions, rejoice like a child, learn to understand his sense of humor. Remember that greed can be not only material, but also emotional.
Change yourself
If your character really has such a trait as extravagance, then try to get rid of it. Avoid unnecessary spending from the family budget, do not purchase unnecessary things that you can do without.
Do you love your man? Then get ready for the fact that you will have to adapt to it. Changes in behavior and character will help change not only the attitude towards you - it will also cause your partner to want to change.
Never compare
Do not mention other men when communicating with your husband, do not set them as an example - this will only aggravate the situation. Do not tell him that he is worse than others in some way. Your man for you should be unique, the best and the best.
What not to do
Psychologists do not advise directly expressing to a man that you suspect him of being greedy. It is necessary to bring him as gently as possible to discuss the problem, otherwise a scandal may break out.
In dealing with a man, at the first sign of greed, you can’t:
- insult and humiliate him;
- shouting, threatening divorce;
- start a conversation with children;
- force a man to agree with your opinion;
- blame her husband for his failure.
In addition, it is important to understand what caused the manifestation of greed.
Why did the husband become greedy?
This question is asked by women who first encountered an unpleasant character trait of their beloved spouse. The appearance of signs of greed is determined not only by previously hidden stinginess, upbringing, but also by the defiant behavior of the spouse, as well as other factors. Such as:
- accumulated unresolved problems in the family;
- sexual dissatisfaction;
- betrayal;
- heavy physical labor;
- lack of understanding on the part of the spouse, her aggressive nature.
Sometimes women themselves provoke such an attitude of a lover towards themselves. Demands for the purchase of expensive gifts, extravagance destroy harmonious relationships.
In what situations is the intervention of a specialist required?
It is necessary to turn to a family psychologist for help if such behavior has not been noted for the husband before. A critical manifestation of greed is saving not only on the wife, but also on the children, as well as on oneself.
It is worth knowing that pathological greed equates to mental illness, and timely help close person is a necessity.
After you once met a young man and realized that he is incredibly greedy, the choice is yours: be with him and accept him for who he is, or refuse to communicate with him. In any case, you need to listen to your own intuition and feelings - they will tell you whether you made the right choice.
At the very beginning of a romantic relationship, a woman expects various gifts, flowers, sweets from her partner. When a man does not live up to these expectations, a woman involuntarily begins to suspect her lover of greed. At this stage, you need to take a closer look at your soulmate and understand whether he is really greedy or just economical.
Moderate greed does not harm relationships and people around you. Such a lover saves the family budget, tries to buy everything for the house, does not spend money on nonsense.
Excessive greed is fraught frequent quarrels and/or breakup.
How to determine if a man is greedy
A stingy lover always comes to visit without gifts and flowers, he will not pay the bill in a cafe for his girlfriend, he will be stingy to buy her ice cream or chocolate, and for her birthday she can give one of her grandmother's old caskets so as not to spend money on a gift. He can sincerely love a woman, but any request from her to buy something causes bewilderment in him.
If a man is single, his stinginess towards his woman is determined by some factors. Either he is not set up for a serious relationship and creating a family in the future, or greed is in his blood.
If a man is married, his greed is understandable. Spending money on a mistress affects his overall family budget with his wife.
What to do
First of all, a woman needs to understand for herself whether she is ready for such a relationship or not. Do not think that she is the only woman in the world who can remake a greedy lover and teach him to give expensive gifts.
The miserliness of a lover can be compensated in other ways. For example, if he is incomparable in sex, cooks delicious dinner, is handsome in appearance, smart, has a great sense of humor - these factors are a kind of compensation for his greed.
Important
If a woman values the relationship with her lover, in no case should you make a scandal to him because of greed. Some men deliberately do not spend money on their girlfriend, which means that he can leave her without any regrets.
Nature endowed a woman with ingenuity, cunning and a subtle mind. With proper use of these natural qualities, you can unobtrusively, slowly teach a man to make gifts. For example, you can say that a beautiful gold chain is missing for a new dress, or the lock on your favorite handbag has broken and cannot be repaired. Such manipulations can be controlled by a man if he understands the hints well.
There are times when a woman's cunning has no effect on a greedy lover. You can directly and openly tell him about your desire to buy something, but you need to prepare a weighty argument and the great significance of the purchase.
Keep in mind that men are different. If one lover feels sorry for the money for flowers for his beloved, then another can buy up the entire flower shop, but be greedy for money for Golden ring. Everything is individual, and only a woman decides to continue a relationship with a greedy lover or stop at an early stage.
The role of lover and mistress is unenviable. A person is forced to become a partner to someone who different ways hides him. If a woman gets herself a lover, then he must, on the one hand, love her, carry her in his arms and please her, on the other hand, keep the secret of their relationship, not declare himself. Let's just say that the role of a lover is not impressive. That's why a woman may be faced with the fact that her greedy..
Although this article will focus on lovers, we will talk about what is inherent in all men, regardless of their role. A man can be greedy both in the role of a loved one and in the role of a husband. Since no woman wants to mess with, you should learn to immediately recognize him.
What motivates a person to be greedy? Is it possible to bypass this quality and get what you want? If you are dating a greedy partner, then you probably want to change his quality. It makes you miss something, which a close and dear person should share with you.
What is greed? This property, which consists in the lack of desire to share valuable things. A person does not want to give what others want to receive from him. However, it must be understood that at least two people are always involved in this process. It may turn out that in fact the person is not greedy, just the partner demands too much from him.
A man is asked, but he does not give. Is this a sign of greed? If he does not give absolutely everything that you ask him, apparently, he is either greedy or does not have warm feelings for his supplicant. If an individual selectively does not give something, but shares other things, then it is impossible to call him greedy. Most likely, the partner asks from him what he cannot give or what he does not have.
Greed doesn't just happen. It is a consequence of the absence or limitation of an object in a person. For example, a woman asks a man for money, but he does not give it. Greedy? Perhaps this is how a man looks in the eyes of a woman. But it is likely that the gentleman does not have the amount of money that he asks for, or he wants to spend it on other things.
The barrier of "greed" is almost impossible to get around, since greed is the absence of some thing in such quantity that a person can give it away without hesitation. You will not give your partner your last dress or shirt. But if there are a dozen dresses or shirts hanging in the closet, then you will not be sorry to give away one of these beautiful things. Thus, a person is greedy often when the question is in limited quantity. If he gives up, he will be left with nothing.
Greedy or smart?
Usually the woman goes to love relationship, making lovers for herself, so that new suitors give her what she has not been giving for a long time. Often, men only at the beginning of a relationship are distinguished by their generosity. They give flowers, gifts, sweets, take them to various exciting places. However, when the relationship has taken place, even the marriage has already been registered, for some reason men no longer consider it necessary to spend money on their ladies. This is greed or a manifestation of the mind, we will understand further.
Not every man who does not spend money on a woman can be called greedy. Is there enough a large number of men who simply proceed from considerations of reasonableness. They may purchase a bouquet of flowers, but may not feel the need to spend money on such a surprise every day, as it deteriorates quickly enough. A woman wants to receive flowers every day, and a man does not want to work solely to acquire perishable flowers. If a woman offered to buy a dress for her, since she has no other outfit, most likely, a man in this case would not spare money.
It is necessary to distinguish stinginess from rationality:
- When a man is greedy, this manifests itself in everything: he does not want to pay for the woman's travel, does not pay the bills in cafes and restaurants, gives the woman fairly cheap gifts, although at the same time he works hard and earns a lot of money.
- When a man is rational, he spends money, but not on everything. He will pay the bill at the restaurant, the woman's fare in a taxi, or buy her a gift. However, it will not be spent daily, as he may not have as much money as a woman would like. He may have plans to save up money to invest in some project. In general, he may have debts for which he pays off. A man would be happy to give more, he just can’t for some reason.
Every woman would like to. However, there will not be enough oligarchs for everyone who wants to. So it turns out that a woman chooses among the average men who have a limited amount of money. If a woman wants a mink coat, then a man will not be able to afford such a chic gift, unless he starts saving money by denying the woman other surprises.
First, a woman gets a husband for herself, on whom she pins hopes that he will shower her with jewelry, and then she gets a lover, who, most likely, is also no different from her husband in terms of material wealth. Undoubtedly, a woman now receives twice as many gifts in the presence of both men at once. However, these gifts are certainly cheap, worthless and rare.
It turns out that a woman is looking for herself not a loved one, but a "purse with money." If so, then she may indeed start dating a greedy man. The reason for the greed of a man may be that the woman chose him not out of love, but out of calculation. She meets with him for money, and he also does not consider it necessary to spend his hard-earned money on her. So it turns out that a greedy woman who is not looking for love, but money, gets a greedy man who has money, but he does not want to spend it on her.
Destructive stinginess
Women are not always looking for men for the sake of money, however, stingy gentlemen can come across who won’t even buy candy. If a man is really mean, it destroys any relationship, even if they are secret. Most likely, a woman will not want to put up with the greed of a man, which is correct to some extent: why should she waste time on someone who does not give her anything?
A man in all ages was considered a breadwinner. He not only mines for his family, but for all the women he meets. That's why women tend to date rich boyfriends. This desire is dictated by the desire for a luxurious life, when a woman will not worry about anything and will have everything. And all this without much effort! While a man earns money, she thinks how to spend it. Of course, this approach is also wrong if a woman wants to hang on a man's neck, even if he is her husband.
Stinginess can be the result of many factors:
- Lack of enough money.
- Special upbringing.
- A special relationship with money hunters.
- Living paycheck to paycheck.
- Constant fear of a crisis.
- Striving for constant accumulation.
There is another category of men who constantly owe everything to everyone. They do not know how to save or earn enough, but they know how to spend very well. It is better not to get involved with such men, because they even begin to borrow money from their mistresses, which they then do not return. If you do not want to become a victim of a man who borrowed and did not give back, or even asked you to become his guarantor, then it is better to run from eternal debtors.
How to fight?
Greed in men is the result of the constant discontent of women and the indefatigable desire to rob them. So that you do not encounter the stinginess of your boyfriend, adhere to the following method of struggle:
- Talk to a man about your desires, what you need to buy, but do it rarely and in relation to those things that you really need. A man will be pleased to give you useful gifts. Do not ask for money for various trinkets and trinkets. Let the man have time to earn money in order to spend on himself, and to be able to buy something for you.
It is better to ask rarely, but aptly. At the same time, do not forget to thank the man for all the gifts. Even if the surprise was presented unexpectedly, without your knowledge, then thank you for it. A man spent money on you and is waiting for only one thing - gratitude, which will inspire him and encourage you to do something nice again.
run
Not all men need to be run from, even if they stop spending a lot of money on women. However, all lovers should be left if they do not spend money on women at all, they constantly talk about their money problems, about rising prices, rising prices for living, etc. A man must solve his money problems - this is his main task. If he only knows how to whine and dismiss nurses, then it is better not to waste your time on him.
Run if a man does not spend money on you at all, while he earns money. In this case, he found himself a free mistress, on whom he does not want to spend money. If you keep dating him, then you are really cheap. And if you refer to love feelings, then understand that a man does not love you, even if he does not spend his money on you.
Greed by nature
Even love for a woman will not help such a man. Until he reconsiders his attitude towards the world and money, he will remain greedy.
What to do in the end if the lover is greedy?
A woman should remember that she is not looking for a husband, but just a lover. She already has a husband, no matter how wealthy he may be. The lover may not be very rich, but as generous as his finances allow him.
Greedy lover - a dangerous person. It turns out that he does not conquer a woman in any way, but she is given to him like a cheap toy. A woman must understand the absurdity of such a relationship and break with a greedy lover.
Despite the fact that the relationship is not official, even a lover must conquer and please his mistress. It provokes and evokes emotions in them, it creates intrigue and a certain aura of happiness in their relationship. The man who gives gets as much joy as the woman who takes. After all, a woman in such a situation becomes so grateful that she gives her lover what he tried for. This interchange of energies is considered normal and natural.
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