It is necessary for a child to grow up mentally developed. Parenting. Psychology lessons for parents. Normal development of children
Parental fatigue, views on upbringing, and sometimes the behavior of the child lead to the fact that mom or dad is often annoyed at the child, breaks into a cry, gets angry. Of course, parents do not stop loving at the same time, but in fact, children often hear negative words addressed to them. Meanwhile, the atmosphere of tranquility of love is vital for a child to develop and grow up. Only by feeling parental acceptance and love can a child stand firmly on his feet and boldly go through life. To create the necessary atmosphere for raising a child, parents often have to work primarily on themselves. It is hard work, but its fruits will exceed all expectations. If you are already embarking on this path, the tips below will be very helpful.
- Don't make your child responsible for your reactions and behavior. Sometimes, out of impotence, parents themselves take a childish position, shifting responsibility for their own actions onto the child: “Well, what should I do with you: spank you or put you in a corner?”, “Do you want me to scold you more?” The child cannot decide how his parents to educate him, punish him and act in this or that situation. This is the task of adults.
- Take responsibility for your actions. It is not the child who is angry and annoying, but you are angry and annoyed when he does something. Taking responsibility for your reactions gives you the opportunity to manage them, because it is impossible to change what you are not responsible for.
- Analyze your behavior. In the process, you will be able to see the mechanism of triggering your reactions to the actions of the child and understand what actually unbalances you.
- Don't overwork yourself. The resource of parental strength needs constant replenishment, so do not push yourself and your needs into the background. Dream, proper nutrition, exercise stress, hobbies and hobbies give positive emotions and fill them with strength for a calm upbringing.
- Give up haste and rigid planning of life. Very often we get angry at children for being too slow or disrupting our plans with their behavior. If you don’t rush anywhere and let events just happen in your life, there will be much less problems.
- Get your requirements right. It is very difficult for children to perceive the requirements of adults, because they are formulated in an "adult" language. Often, adults formulate their demands in a “negative” way: “don’t climb”, “don’t touch”, “don’t come near”. The child needs not so much forbidding signals as for specific instructions: "Remove your hand from the dog and come to mom."
- Learn to leave your problems outside the children's room. Children perfectly "read" the emotional state of adults. If you are “wound up” and immersed in thoughts about problems at work, financial difficulties, conflicts with relatives, the child will definitely “infect” with your nervousness and will behave accordingly. From birth, the rule has been unshakably in effect: "A calm mother is a calm child."
- Do not demand from your child what you do not know yourself. Agree, it is absurd to shout in rage at a crying child: “Calm down immediately!”. If you can't manage your own emotions, your child will never learn to manage his own by looking at you.
- By raising a child in love and peace, you do good not only to him, but also to yourself, “growing” a wise, calm, loving parent inside yourself.
- If it seems to you that the child is provoking you, stop and think: what does this little defenseless man really want now? In most cases, behind the provocative behavior is a desperate desire for attention and intimacy.
- Control what and how you tell your children. Children need to express criticism correctly: firstly, it should be “I-statements”; secondly, it is necessary to criticize not the child himself, but his specific actions. For example, instead of "You make me angry", it's better to say "I get angry when you...".
- Be open to new experiences and knowledge. Not only do children learn from their parents, but parents can learn a lot from their children.
- The best parenting position is one of domineering concern. This position requires strength, self-confidence and personal maturity. But it is precisely from such a position that education can take place without shouting and irritation. A child happens simply because you are an adult whom he trusts and whose authority he recognizes.
- Feel free to seek support from more experienced parents whose example is indicative for you, specialists and books. Sometimes through books and conversations you can see your mistakes and draw conclusions.
- Don't expect instant results from yourself. Working on yourself and developing new habits takes time. Celebrate every step on the way to your goal, praise yourself for the slightest success. If today you were angry and annoyed with the child less than yesterday, this is already good.
- Do not look for special occasions to tell your child about your love and be sure to maintain physical contact through hugs, touches, kisses.
- Believe in your child and his good intentions. By nature, it is laid down in such a way that children always strive to be good for their parents, to please them, it’s just that a child is not always able to assess what is really appropriate and good, and what is not very good. Your task is to teach him this.
- Shift the focus of your activities from "training" to the relationship with the child. Education is, first of all, reliable and close relationships, and not a system of prohibitions and punishments. If there are no problems in relations with a child, it is easy to bring him up in love and tranquility, because he himself strives to be like you, to obey.
- Do not confuse love for a child with permissiveness. The child simply needs to know the boundaries of what is permitted, for him these are the fulcrum in the world around him and the basis of his life principles and guidelines.
- When forbidding something and restricting a child, do it from a position of imperious concern. If there are any rules, then they should always be respected in principle. And every time the child needs to explain why you forbid him something: “I don’t want you to get sick”, “I want you to have healthy eyes”.
- Let the child show any emotions and be in any mood, be sad, be capricious, cry. Acceptance of any behavior of the child, and not just exemplary, is the best confirmation of your love.
- Drop all expectations of your child and don't compare him to other children. A child deserves love simply because he is, and not for success and achievement.
- Be always on the side of the child, especially when someone else criticizes the child or teaches him. The situation when mom or dad, out of a desire to “please” a stranger, unites with him “against” the child and begins to shame or teach him, is very traumatic. A child perceives this as a betrayal, which greatly undermines trust in relationships.
- Don't be afraid to praise your child. For a long time, in our culture, it was believed that you should not praise a child - you can spoil him with it. In fact, words of praise for a child are a powerful motivation to become better and please parents. Otherwise, what's the point of being good for him if no one notices his small victories? You can also encourage the desired behavior with praise, but then you need to praise correctly. Not an automatic “well done”, but explaining in detail to the child that you liked how he did something or behaved in some situation.
- Forgive yourself for your "imperfection" and remember that everyone has the right to make mistakes. Being a parent is not taught anywhere, so your motherhood or fatherhood is a complete improvisation. But even if you are wrong about something, most pedagogical mistakes can be corrected, and it is better to focus on that.
How should a small child be brought up in order to prevent the possibility of a neurosis in him?
This question is not easy to answer and can be answered in different ways. To combat children's nervousness, both sufficient sleep and strict correct routine days, and rational nutrition, and personal hygiene, and properly organized games, and accustoming the child to feasible work, and physical education, and hardening, and the absence of influences that frighten the child, and much, much more. And in each individual case, the violation of one or another of these moments can play a significant role in the origin of neurosis. But what do we think is the most important? In order for a child to grow up calm, and not nervous, it is first of all necessary that he “want” this, even in those cases when, due to his age, he cannot realize this “want”. Therefore, we consider the most important thing for preventing the development of nervousness and curing it is the creation of such conditions for the child's life under which it would be incomparably more pleasant for him to be calm and healthy than to be nervous, capricious, sick. It is necessary to develop in a child from the very beginning early age desire for health and wellness. Meanwhile, very often in the family, and often in preschool institutions, the child receives real or moral benefits precisely from his nervousness, one or another of its manifestations, and thereby firmly consolidates and cultivates it.
A girl with an unusually long protracted chorea was sent to our dispensary for a consultation. The doctor who sent her for a consultation was extremely surprised that, although the rheumatic process in the brain that caused the choreic convulsions had apparently ended long ago, the girl’s twitches continue to stubbornly hold on, and periodically, with any unrest or conflicts, even intensify and do not give in to any treatment. On examination, we found that in a girl who undoubtedly had a chorea, twitches and convulsions are now no longer of a choreic, but of a hysterical nature, that is, they do not depend on rheumatic damage to the corresponding parts of the brain, but on psychological reasons. Upon a detailed questioning, it was found that the mother, before the illness, perhaps even unnecessarily strictly raising her daughter and severely punishing her even for minor offenses, when the girl fell ill with chorea, stopped punishing her. When the girl was capricious and did not listen to her mother, she promised her daughter to settle accounts with her, “to take her into a tight rein” after her recovery. Naturally, with such an attitude, it was unprofitable and even scary for the girl to recover, and therefore, to replace the past choreic convulsions, hysterical ones imitating them appeared and took hold; and this happened independently of the conscious will of the child.
How often parents come to us for a consultation who complain that their child is naughty, naughty, does not obey, and they ask the doctor to check if he is nervous. If the child is really nervous, then they will meekly endure all his antics, and if the doctor says that the child is healthy, they will severely punish him to wean him from whims. At first glance, such an attitude may seem logical: a nervous child is “not guilty” of behaving badly, but a healthy child should be punished for this. Unfortunately, such an attitude is very often instilled in parents and educators by doctors (even pediatric neuropathologists), who, out of the most humane motives, declare that since the child is nervous, he must yield to everything, you cannot argue with anything, you cannot punish him.
It is difficult to overestimate the harm of such an installation. With such upbringing, it turns out that the more nervous the child behaves, the sharper one or another painful manifestation appears in him (stuttering, twitching, night terrors, etc.). the more condescending they treat him; nervous manifestations become "beneficial" and therefore are fixed for life or are renewed during life's conflicts and troubles. Other, healthy children in a family or kindergarten, seeing that parents or caregivers show more attention to a nervous child, affection, and often unreasonably when he conflicts with a healthy child, take the side of the nervous one, not wanting to injure him and sometimes even demanding that the healthy child give in. to him, “as nervous and sick,” they themselves gradually adopt the habits of nervous children. In those cases when a sharply weakened child really needs a special regime or a reduction in the requirements for it, this must be done so tactfully that neither the child himself nor other children notice concessions. If the teacher, in order not to disturb the peace in the group today, makes concessions to the whims and nervous manifestations of any child, he will have to pay a dear price for such short-term calm: this child’s nervousness will increase, and other children will imitate him.
The development and growth of a child is a complex process that includes several components. The child develops both physically and mentally. For the full development of the child's psyche, its mental, emotional and social spheres, the support of parents is important.
Sometimes parents find it difficult to stimulate the mental development of the child. Since the support of parents in this process is very important, the development of the child should be encouraged both in kindergarten or school, and at home. In this case, the main thing is to find the right, consistent approach that matches the individual characteristics of the child.
Of course, parents only want the best for their children. But today there is a lot of controversy about how to maximize the potential of a child: what activities to choose for him, what books to choose for his development, whether to use computers or TV for educational purposes. There are many opinions on this subject, but in the end it is up to you to decide what advice is best for your child.
Let’s take a look at some of the ways parents can help mental development child.
1. Communicate with your child
For the development of the child's psyche, parents need not only to understand what mental, emotional and social skills the child will need in the future and gradually form them, but also to find the most appropriate way for this. It can be difficult for parents to do this, because they have to find the right way intuitively. They make a lot of effort to understand the individual needs of the child and develop mental skills in accordance with them. Constant communication with the child helps parents to better understand his mental and physical needs.
2. Read books with your child
Parents should actively develop their child's reading and writing skills in accordance with their age and developmental level. In addition, you should teach him the simplest arithmetic operations and develop problem-solving skills. Finding the right way to develop these skills will inspire your child, build trust between you, and develop your child's attachment to you. Close and trusting communication with the child forms his social and emotional skills. The child begins to understand that emotional development is just as important as mental or social development.
3. Zanimate With child joint affairs
Encourage your child to engage in various activities. In the process of work, support him and encourage him to bring things to a successful conclusion. In this way, you can teach him to search for the information necessary to complete the task on his own, and make this process enjoyable for the child. Your support can also instill in him an enthusiasm and interest in learning and self-improvement.
By developing a child's self-confidence, you can create a good environment for their personal and social growth.
4. Develop your child's creative thinking
Creative thinking is necessary for a child to solve various problems, allows him to see situations from different points of view. Offer your child a variety of activities that develop creativity: drawing, coloring pictures, imagination games, etc. Provide the child with everything he may need for these activities: paper, paints, pencils, plasticine, etc. In addition, let the child use improvised objects for their games.
5. Use Music and TV to Develop Your Child
Scientists say that a child can perceive music even in the womb. Music has a positive effect on the development of a child from an early age. Choose the style of music that he likes (there are a wide variety of styles at your disposal - from classical to modern foreign music).
When it comes to television, parents should be careful here. Television can be both beneficial and harmful to a child. Parents need to carefully choose programs that can contribute to his mental development. You should also allow the amount of time appropriate for the child's age to watch these programs.
6. Explore nature with your child
You can walk with your child in the park for years, but still not notice what plants grow there and what birds live. You are missing out on a great opportunity to explore with your child. the world. Watch how plants grow (together with your child, you can sow seeds and watch how they germinate), what changes in nature occur in each season, etc.
7. Identify your child's talents and aptitudes
Children from an early age may show certain abilities, for example, to concentrate or remember information, to read from an early age, etc. A child's talent can be expressed in various areas: drawing, music, dancing, etc. Talk to school teachers - they will help you identify your child's gifts and advise on how best to develop them. Encourage your child to improve their talents, but don't put too much pressure on them.
The mental health of the child is greatly influenced by the emotional situation in the family. Therefore, in order for a child to grow up mentally and emotionally healthy, several important rules should be remembered:
1. Love your child unconditionally.
This means that your love should not depend on any circumstances, shortcomings or virtues, successes or failures of the child. Unconditional love does not depend on your expectations, and even on the behavior of the child.
The most difficult thing is just to be able to separate the personality of the child from his actions. When scolding a child, it is important to focus on his bad behavior, and not on himself. You can't say "You're stupid" or "You're bad", you should say "Your academic performance is poor" or "Your behavior is disgusting". Do not evaluate the child, evaluate his behavior and actions.
2. Support your child.
The best support is faith in your child. You should not remember the past failures of the baby, remember only his successes and victories. Focus on his strengths. Give your child confidence that he will be able to handle the tasks that you entrust him with. Help your child gain self-confidence. Show your love to your child. Spend more time with him, hug and kiss him more often, joke with him, feel sorry for him.
3. Know how to be demanding.
Make sure that the child fulfills the requirements and rules that you set for him. However, when setting requirements, it is important to observe several conditions:
- do not speak evil, irritably, do not shout and do not beg;
- do not require too difficult tasks, they should be feasible for the child;
- rules must not conflict common sense, they must be reasonable;
- The instructions of both parents must not contradict each other.
Every parent, in the future, wants to see their child as a comprehensively developed personality, with their own life position, socially adapted, easily establishing contact with people around them and the world. And to achieve all this, it is necessary to begin to engage in the development of the child from an early age. Literally from the first days of birth, parents should begin to develop the child, communicate with him and gradually introduce him to the outside world. At the same time, one should not neglect the achievements of modern pedagogy and psychology. Therefore, it is best, in addition to careful home education of your child, to entrust this work to professionals.
In order to pay proper attention and place the right accents in the process of child development, both mental and physical, there is a school of early development Clever Kids, which practices modern techniques education and development of children of different ages, starting from 1 year old, and also deeply introduces an individual approach to each child in the learning process. More detailed information about the methods used in the development of babies, as well as the work of this institution, can be found on the website http://cleverkids.com.ua/.
In general, the kindergarten and its attendance by the baby is very important in the overall development of the child. Indeed, in addition to the fact that professional educators and psychologists are engaged with the child, the baby is constantly in a peer group, which undoubtedly has a positive effect on his socialization and the ability to establish contacts with people around him. He learns to make friends, communicate, develop his communication skills and live in society. In addition, a child's visit kindergarten helps to avoid "closing in itself", fear of people.
The use of the teaching methods of Maria Montessori in preschool institutions has become popular these days. This method of teaching is based on special attention to the psychological and physical development of the child, his adaptation to life, the development of his independence and individuality. The Monessori Center is a place where everything fits the child, from specially selected didactic materials to the size of the furniture in the room, all chairs, shelves, etc. should be small and comfortable for kids.
It is always important to remember that a child grows up smart, with strong physical and psychological health, is socially adapted and harmoniously developed in all directions, his education should be taken up from a very early age. Proper upbringing and the love of parents is the key to future success, while still such a small person.