An insecure person. Self confidence. Equal to others
Self-confidence is not an easy thing. Often self-confidence depends on the opinions and behavior of others, although the only thing that should matter is what a person thinks of himself. A person controls his own life, so self-confidence is a quality that can be developed.
Steps
Appearance of a confident person
- Spend time on personal hygiene and appearance. Shower every day, brush and floss your teeth, and take care of your skin and hair.
- Dress like a confident person. In order to feel comfortable in your clothes, you do not need to completely change your wardrobe. If you're comfortable and wearing clean clothes, you'll be able to exude confidence. Remember that you will look more confident if you like what you wear.
- Remember that self-confidence should not be built on appearance. Try all day to walk around in things that you do not feel confident in yourself, and try to build confidence only at the expense of the internal state.
- After all, you don't want to take out the trash. evening dress. If you think you look good, chances are you are.
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Pay attention to your posture. Posture can tell a lot about you to other people, so try to convey to others that you are in control of everything that happens. Straighten your back, take your shoulders back, do not look at the floor. Your gait should be energetic. Sit with a straight back. If you look like a confident person, others will perceive you that way.
smile . It's hard to believe, but even a slight smile can defuse the situation in a difficult situation and help people relax. Scientists have found that smiling can reduce the amount of stress hormones in the body. If a person frowns, no one will want to approach him.
- If you are afraid that your smile will seem insincere, do not make an effort on yourself. The insincere smile is immediately visible. But if you're truly excited about the person (or the opportunity to practice), don't hold back and smile heartily.
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. This is a small thing, but it can endear you to people. Don't be afraid to meet someone's eyes: this will let others know that you are available to talk to and that you respect the interlocutor, acknowledge their presence and are interested in the conversation. By refusing eye contact, you come across as a rude person who does not respect others.
Watch your gestures. If you see a person sitting in a corner pretending to play a game on their smartphone, would you want to walk up to them and say hello? If you want people to reach out to you, let them know that you need it.
Try not to look away. If you have learned to look people in the eye, it's time to move on to practice. Have you ever thought that other people are just as shy to make eye contact as you are? Try looking someone in the eye and see who can hold the gaze the longest. Most likely, your interlocutor will be the first to look away, which means that he is also not entirely comfortable.
- We do not recommend staring people in the eye. Your goal should not be continuous eye contact that makes people feel awkward or fearful. This exercise helps you realize that other people are also embarrassed to look others in the eye. If your interlocutor understands what you are doing, just smile. Now you can relax.
The mindset of a confident person
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Think about your abilities and positive traits and write them down. No matter how sad you are, try to praise yourself and remember what you are strong in. Thinking about your strengths will distract you from thinking about what seems to be your weaknesses and strengthen your self-confidence. Think about what you like about your appearance, relationships, your abilities, and most importantly, your personality.
- Remember what compliments others give you. Is there anything that others have noticed that you haven't? Perhaps someone complimented your smile or your ability to remain calm in difficult situations.
- Think about your accomplishments. You can remember both what others noticed (for example, the best academic performance in the group), and what only you know about (for example, a favor rendered to someone for whom it meant a lot). Think about how much this means. You are well done!
- Think about the qualities you would like to develop in yourself. There are no perfect people, but if you try to become a good respected person, you are worthy of praise. The mere fact that you want to work on yourself shows that you are humble and have good intentions, and these are very valuable qualities.
- Write down all these things and reread the list every time you feel bad. Add to the list if you remember anything else.
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Think about the obstacles to self-confidence. Write down on paper all the things that prevent you from feeling confident in yourself: bad grades, introversion, lack of friends. Now answer a few questions. Are these good reasons? Are these arguments logical? Or maybe it's just your guess? The correct answer is "no" to the first two questions and "yes" to the third. One or two things cannot determine how valuable you are as a person.
- Let's say you got a bad grade on the last control work in math, so you're afraid of the next test. But if you have been studying hard, asking questions to the teacher and preparing for the test, won't you get more high score? Of course you will. you failed once, and this case cannot affect the overall picture. You have no reason to feel insecure.
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Remember that self-doubt is familiar to everyone. Some manage to hide it, but almost everyone has experienced this feeling. You are not alone! If you know a person who is confident in himself, know that, most likely, he also has situations when he doubts his abilities. Self-confidence is never absolute.
- Many people are so busy thinking about what impression they make that they just don't have time to think about anyone else. You have probably noticed with what pleasure people like to discuss something insignificant. The attention of 99% of people is directed inward. You can breathe a sigh of relief and accept the fact that you don't have to be perfect all the time.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. Life is not a competition. If you try to be ahead of others all the time, you will only get tired faster. You don't have to be the most intelligent, handsome, and popular person to be happy. If you cannot get rid of the competitiveness in your character, direct it to work on yourself. Try to always be better than yourself in the past.
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Treat self-confidence as a process, not a goal to be reached. Confidence is not a finish line and you won't always move forward - sometimes you will feel like you're back at the very beginning. Take a deep breath, remember the obstacles that you have already overcome, and promise yourself not to give up. In the most difficult times, it is important to praise yourself, even if you have not done anything new.
- It is unlikely that one day you will wake up and realize that you have become a confident person. Have you suddenly realized that you are smart, interesting, talented, or punctual? Probably not. If you do not see instant changes, it means that you are already at the goal. Look at yourself from the side.
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Remember that you have self-confidence from birth. When you were just born, you did not think about who hears you cry and how you look. You simply existed. Society has pointed the finger at you and made you feel compelled to meet certain criteria. But this feeling is acquired, which means that you can get rid of it.
- Try to find your innate self-confidence. It is in you, it is just hidden under the compliments, threats and assessments that each person has accumulated over the years. Eliminate everyone from your picture of the world. They don't matter. Your "I" is great. Your "I" exists outside of other people's value judgments.
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Try not to dwell on your thoughts. Self-doubt has nothing to do with the outside world, which means that you need to be distracted from your thoughts more often. If you notice that you are again conducting an internal dialogue, stop. The world revolves around you - start revolving with it. Only the present moment matters. Do you want to be a part of this moment?
- Most of the events take place in the outside world (assuming that reality is what it seems). Constant thoughts about how you feel and how you look interfere with living in the present. Try to think less about the past or the future. Think about what is in front of you now. Surely there is something interesting there.
Behavior of a confident person
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Do what interests you. If you've always wanted to try a sport or discover a new hobby, go ahead! Working on your skills will let you know that you are talented, and this will strengthen your confidence in yourself. Master a musical instrument, start learning foreign language, sign up for a painting course, start doing some project. Do what is truly interesting to you.
- Don't get discouraged if things don't work out right away. Remember that any activity is a process. It's important to appreciate small victories and use this time as an opportunity to relax, rather than striving to be the best.
- Come up with a hobby that you want to do in a group. Connecting with like-minded people will allow you to make new friends and boost your self-confidence. Look for something interesting in your city and meet people who like the same things as you.
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Talk to strangers. Self-confidence is not only a state. It's also a habit. This applies to all people. To build confidence, you need to practice. One way is to start conversations with strangers. It will be scary at first, but with each new conversation, your self-confidence will grow.
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Don't apologize more often than the circumstances warrant. The ability to ask for forgiveness is a good character trait (and many people find it difficult to do this). However, do not apologize when it is not necessary. If you offended someone, asking for forgiveness means being polite. But if you apologize when you did nothing wrong, it will seem to you that you are below a person in status and that you must be awkward. Before asking for forgiveness, consider whether the situation calls for an apology.
- Use other phrases. You can express regret without resorting to an apology. For example, if you're afraid you've caused someone trouble, say something like, "I hope I didn't bother you too much."
- Excessive apologies make a person feel insecure. It makes no sense, because no one can be more valuable to you than yourself. Why apologize if you didn't do anything wrong? Do you really feel guilty? When a person constantly asks for forgiveness, his words lose their value. If you apologize for any reason, you stop putting meaning into your words. Treat the words of apology as if they were saying "I love you". They should only be used on special occasions.
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Accept compliments with gratitude. Don't roll your eyes or shrug your shoulders - you deserve praise! Look the person in the eye, smile and say "thank you". Gratitude for praise does not mean that you forget about modesty. On the contrary, it means that you polite person and confident in their value.
- Give back compliments. If you can't get used to compliments, try complimenting compliments. You will be more comfortable with the thought that you have compensated for the praise, and you will not seem selfish to another.
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Build your confidence by helping others. Compliment someone or do a good deed. You will make someone's day better, and it will cheer you up too. If you become a source of positivity, people will want to associate with you, and everyone will feel better for it.
- Many people get embarrassed when they are praised. But if you give someone a compliment, the chances are high that the person will respond with praise. But praise the person sincerely, otherwise you may get a harsh response.
- To begin, take a deep breath. When a person breathes quickly and shallowly, their body is preparing to either flee from danger or fight (the "fight or flight" response). Stop and you will quickly feel better. Fortunately, everything is arranged simply.
- Try to consciously slow down what you are doing. Remember how you felt when you were a child and ate sweets - you started to fuss. Your behavior should match your breathing. Great, now you are calm.
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Expect success. A lot of things happen in life simply because a person really wants something. When we think we're going to fail, we stop trying. When we feel like we're not good enough, we often don't behave well enough. If you expect success, you are more likely to get what you want. Pessimism interferes with your abilities.
- Perhaps you feel that you cannot foresee the future and that waiting for success is illogical. Yes, but if you count on failure, why not count on success? Both can happen, but one of these is more likely.
- Focus on what you want, not what you don't want.
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Take risks. Sometimes risk is the only way to get ahead. To succeed, you need to be in situations that allow you to learn something new. It is impossible to master something instantly. If you keep doing what you are doing, you will never get better at it. It is important to take risks in order to develop.
- Failures are inevitable. They are possible, but they don't matter. What matters is your ability to return to what you do after failures. Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone finds the strength to continue. It is overcoming difficulties that strengthens faith in oneself, but for this one must first face defeat.
- Try to get out of your comfort zone to learn something new and become more confident.
Try to look like a confident person. If you look like this, sooner or later you will start to feel like a winner. Dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable, not the way you think confident people dress. Here are some tips:
- Only you know yourself. Love yourself and people will be drawn to you.
- Be grateful for what you have. Often, self-doubt is the result of a lack of something: recognition, luck, money. If you appreciate what you have, it will be easier for you to overcome insecurity and discontent. Inner peace will increase self-confidence.
- Imagine yourself in different situations where you could show self-confidence, wit, leadership qualities. If you just imagine yourself the way you would like to be, self-confidence will no longer seem an unattainable quality. You will believe that you are capable of becoming more confident.
- Live each day like it's your last day. Nobody knows how much time is ahead. What difference does it make what people think if you think positive and feel good?
- As you walk past the mirror, mentally compliment yourself. Do this until you start to consider the compliments justified.
- First thing in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you have already done a lot and that you will not let anyone or anything stop you.
- Try not to slouch - poor posture makes a person look distant and insecure. The stoop also speaks of vulnerability. The person seems unfriendly and unhappy, but you need to make a completely different impression.
- Don't be afraid to judge other people. This can keep you from moving forward, so just do what makes you happy.
- Talk to strangers. This will help you communicate with the outside world more often.
- It doesn't matter what other people think of you. Do what you want to do and confidence will come by itself. Pay no attention to gossip. Know that you have been given this life because you can live it.
- Treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you. Having a positive attitude towards yourself is beneficial because others will treat you the same way.
Learn to play an active role in changing the thoughts, behaviors and decisions that are holding you back from taking any step!
Her heart was pounding.
A dozen pairs of eyes stared in her direction.
The only thing that stood between her and complete nudity was a thin robe. And she was going to take off her clothes and stand in front of all these people with no clothes on at all.
The instructor looked at her, letting her know that the time had come. She took a deep breath and the robe fell to the floor. She had never felt so vulnerable.
After a few minutes, looking over the heads of everyone in the room, she dared to look at a few people. They were focused on her sketch, their faces were serious. They didn't condemn her. They look at her body as something beautiful, something that can be depicted on paper. She was art.
She began to relax. For the next hour, she not only felt confident standing naked in front of these artists, she felt free. Not so much because she showed her body, but because she dared to do something that she was so deeply afraid of.
Imagine the feeling of having self-confidence and fearlessly doing whatever comes to mind. Imagine being able to let go of your metaphorical robe and face the things that scare you.
Most confident people aren't born that way. Like everyone else, they had their fears and insecurities. But self-confident people have not let these fears and insecurities control their destiny. They have learned to play an active role in changing the thoughts, behaviors and decisions that are holding them back from taking any step.
Here are twenty things confident people never do:
1. Don't lie about yourself
Confident people never lie about themselves. They also don't believe in negative thoughts like "I'm too old" or "I'm not smart enough" or "I'm not attractive enough." They do not deny this, but do not spread such information about themselves. They are true to themselves, even if the truth seems complicated.
2. They don't brag about things they haven't done yet.
3. Do not lose heart after rejection
Confident people understand that their shortcomings are not a barrier to success. They know that failure is just a lesson, the lessons from which can be very useful for the next attempt. Of course, they feel regret when they get rejected, but they are able to survive, forget and move on, trying again - as many times as necessary. Rejection is not a reason to quit.
4. Do not require someone else's approval
They don't jeopardize their own desires, goals and needs in order for those who nearby approved them. Their actions and choices do not depend on someone else's opinion, but are guided only by reason and a sense of the need for certain actions. They are able to tolerate the discomfort that those who have given up on them create when it is in their own interest or allows them to stick to their goals.
5. Don't Forget Appearance
When you are confident in yourself, you have a healthy attitude towards your appearance. You are trying to improve what you can and strive to be healthy and well-groomed. And then you accept yourself, love yourself and respect yourself. And this is very important for success. You understand that appearance does not define you, but partly indicates your ability to be successful. Confident people have enough self-respect to stay fit and eat healthy because they know their bodies deserve to be properly cared for.
6. Do not forget about gestures and facial expressions
They do not avoid eye contact. They never put their heads down. They do not forget to smile and always greet a person with a firm handshake. They know for sure that even when they are silent, their gestures, looks or facial expressions can speak volumes. They constantly practice non-verbal communication. This inspires confidence and disposes the interlocutor to them.
7. Don't put down others to feel good.
They don't need to speak ill of other people or make negative comments about their success or wealth in order to make themselves look good. They truly rejoice in other people's successes and are inspired by them. They understand that successful people do not envy, but achieve everything themselves. They look at others who are happy successful people and this serves as a motivation for them to become better, work harder and achieve the same success in life.
8. Don't hide your mistakes
Confident people know that mistakes are inevitable but fixable, so don't focus on them. They apologize when necessary and do what they have to do to make things right. They don't throw away the blame, they don't shift it to another person, and they don't try to pretend that the mistake isn't really a mistake at all. They are fully responsible for their actions and decisions.
9. Don't settle for less
They have a vision of what they want and they go for it. They don't hold back and don't let their fears stop them from achieving their goals. They push themselves to go higher and higher. They set the bar high for themselves and believe there is no limit to perfection. They know they deserve the best in work and life like no one else.
10. Do not avoid contact with other people
Staying isolated and disconnected from society is a sign of low self-confidence. You don't want to present yourself that way in front of others, you don't want to look stupid and have your aloofness become a reason to judge you. With self-confidence, you won't avoid interacting with other people. On the contrary, you will look for it. You see the importance of this communication with people with whom you exchange ideas, friendships, partnerships and become one-for-one inspiration, to take place in your life.
11. Don't resist opportunities to learn new things.
They confidently want to be on the lava of students for life. Even when they are experts in their fields, they have the mentality of a learner, knowing that this allows them to achieve so much more in life, and gives them many ways to grow further. They are not rooted in the old ways of doing things and do not prefer old ideas of what is right or best. They are looking for ways to develop themselves with new knowledge.
12. Do not pay attention to weaknesses more than strengths.
Many people think that they should spend more time strengthening their weaknesses. But self-confident people understand that success comes with continued improvement in their strengths. They are able to accept their own weaknesses gracefully, and put more time and effort into endeavors where they know they will be more likely to succeed. They spend their time and energy in a way that makes them feel good and comfortable doing it.
13. Don't Forget About Compromises
Defining Core Values gives you the foundational principles that you put into practice. Living by these principles means you won't compromise or give up what you hold dear. With confidence, you use these principles as you make decisions in your life and at work. But sometimes you have to compromise, even if it means giving up something you want in the short term.
14. Not afraid to ask for help when they need it
When you are confident, you don't feel humiliated when you need help or support. You recognize that searching is a sign of strength and self-respect, not weakness. If you have problems, feel free to contact a friend or professional.
15. Don't ignore their own intuition and judgment
Self-confident people don't assume that other people have all the answers or know better than they do. They value their own judgment and listen to their own intuition. They recognize that they have the ability to come up with answers in most situations on their own.
16. Do not neglect the opportunity to improve their skills.
So much of the low self-confidence comes from not having the skills or training needed to be successful. Self-confident people see clearly what they need to do to improve their chances of success, and they are willing to spend time and energy improving their skills, advancing in training, or getting better. high level education in order to be more self-confident.
17. Don't try to change your personality
You can be an introvert or an extrovert and still be confident. Confident people understand that self-confidence comes from feeling that you can achieve a lot by being completely authentic. They don't try to be somebody it's not. Self-acceptance is a vital element of self-confidence.
18. Do not look at other people's love relationships and do not try to repeat them.
People with low self-confidence often have bad relationships because they feel needy. Because they are insecure, they demand attention from their partner. But people who are confident in themselves understand that they must love and respect themselves in order to have strong love relationship.
19. Don't over-complicate your life.
Often, when you lack confidence, you create a lifestyle to avoid all the trouble. Confident people know what they want in every area of their life and find ways to balance it. Sometimes they make strict decisions, put a ban on some things in life, in order to experience the best of what they want most.
20. Don't be afraid to trust yourself
In this difficult life, you often have to turn to yourself for help, but many do not trust themselves. It seems to them that they cannot, they will not succeed, and that others are doing better. We must learn to trust ourselves, and then every business started will come to its logical conclusion.
Do you see yourself in any of these points?
If so, remember, self-confidence is a skill that can be learned just like any other skill. You shouldn't settle for self-doubt like a life sentence. You can feel complete and proud of who you are and what you can achieve.
Throw off the robe of fear, self-doubt, and inaction, and do what will improve every aspect of your life.
Often, starting a new business or facing an unfamiliar situation, a person begins to doubt his own abilities, feels insecure. What is How to deal with it? The science of the human soul - psychology - helps to get answers to these questions.
Concept definition
Uncertainty is fear, internal fears associated with a biased assessment own capabilities and strength. Fears that bind a person, preventing him from growing and developing further, forcing him to hesitate when solving any issues, taking actions - all this is the definition of what self-doubt is.
The reasons
Self-doubts begin to form in childhood, and the child correctly assesses his capabilities and has confidence. Misunderstanding, incorrect (often underestimated) assessment of the baby's abilities in the future will lead to the fact that the little man will turn into a downtrodden and weak personality, depending on the opinions and desires of the people around him.
The main reasons for self-doubt:
- Upbringing. The influence of authoritarian parents or the pressure of one of them on the child provokes the development of insecurity.
- Environment. The pressure from the society in which a person develops negatively affects the formation of personality. Ridicule and bullying gradually destroy it.
- Ignorance of one's own "I". The inability to listen to the inner voice, to communicate with one's subconscious, the rejection of one's own real role in society - all this creates fertile ground for the development of uncertainty.
- Uncertainty about the purpose and meaning of life. When a person has well-defined goals and a strong desire to achieve them, he develops confidence in his abilities. In the case of an individual who is unable to choose his own path and understand what is his prerogative in life, the feeling of insecurity and his own insignificance grows like a snowball.
- Unsuccessful experience. If in the past a person faced any situation that damaged the subconscious, then such an unsuccessful experience can unlearn him to believe in himself.
The above reasons for the emergence of uncertainty are not considered the main and only true ones. According to experts in the field of psychology and sociology, there are a lot of prerequisites for the appearance of self-doubt.
Impact on human life
Feeling of indecision Negative influence to the daily activities of the individual. What is self-doubt? This is primarily a manifestation of disrespect for oneself and one's needs, setting other people's desires above one's own. It is difficult for a person experiencing insecurity to work, communicate, build relationships with the opposite sex.
When a person faces problems in a situation that is incomprehensible to him, wants to overcome them, but begins to doubt his own abilities, this is normal. Another thing is when a man or woman, due to their own fears and insecurities, silently endure bullying, humiliation and do not even try to change their lives for the better. This requires the intervention of a specialist, since usually such individuals are rarely aware of the fact that they are victims of their own subconscious.
Fear and self-doubt destroy a person's life, make it impossible for him to exist in society. There are cases when the feeling of one's own worthlessness, uselessness to this world, lack of confidence in one's abilities provoked suicide.
signs
In order to timely prevent the further development of an inferiority complex, you need to listen to yourself and identify the first alarming calls from the subconscious.
The main "symptoms" of insecurity:
- Inexplicable fear of new tasks and communication with people.
- Constant fuss, being in which, an insecure person is saved from internal discomfort.
- Dependence on the approval and opinions of others, unwillingness to be yourself.
- Attempts to assert themselves at the expense of others.
In addition, it is worth noting that uncertainty makes a person driven, agreeing to any desire and decision of a stronger personality. The leader receives almost complete power over such a person.
Examples
In everyday life, there are often people who underestimate themselves. They occupy low positions, do not seek to surpass their surroundings in anything. In communication with them, any hint of exaggeration or lies is easily revealed - insecure individuals love to "embellish" the facts.
Some examples of self-doubt:
- When meeting a person, he will never reach out his hand first, will not say a greeting.
- In a team, a person, upon receiving an offer for a higher position, in most cases refuses it, without good reason. That is, a person rejects the offer without even trying himself in a new role.
- In communicating with women, a man who is unsure of his abilities will allow the lady to play a dominant role (if there is still a relationship, otherwise he will not be able to connect even two words in a conversation).
- A woman will completely depend on the opinions of others. She solves any, even everyday issues only with the help of discussion and advice from her friends.
What is self-doubt? This is an internal struggle, a protest against making any changes in life. As M.E. Litvak said, our enemy is in the reflection, and as soon as we deal with him, the rest of the problems will go away by themselves. To combat uncertainty, it is important to understand and realize the fact that the problem lies not in the outside world, but inside a person, in his attitude towards himself and his life.
How to overcome fear and self-doubt? Enough to be guided simple advice below:
- Try to praise yourself as often as possible, even for the smallest successes. Record on paper things that ended in your favor - this will help raise self-esteem.
- Don't be afraid to turn people down. Consider not only other people's interests, needs, but also your own desires.
- Do not reproach yourself for misconduct and failures, lead with yourself. When you think that you do not have enough strength to implement what you have planned, ask yourself the question, is everything really so difficult?
- Focus on positive thoughts. No need to dive headlong into problems - it takes both time and effort.
In the struggle with the most important thing is a sincere desire to overcome it and gain self-confidence.
Proven to be unaware of speaking to himself in various situations (new, unknown or even complex) supporting words such as: - I will succeed. - I can. - I'm smart. – I have the right to ask, demand, express my thoughts out loud. - I'm important. – I am a self-confident person, etc…
Self-doubt and parenting scenario.
These are the unconscious internal dialogues of a confident person who, once protected by his parents in childhood, is supported, unconditionally loved and accepted by his parents. They believed in him, they trusted him.
The trouble is with those people whose personality structure contains a criticizing, devaluing, not defending, blaming and driving into depression parent. In Transactional Analysis it is called "Parent PIG or Big Pig".Internal, unconscious dialogue with the pig in the head:- I cant. - I do not know how. - I do not know. - I'm not smart enough. - I can't do anything. It's better to remain silent, otherwise it will be worse. “They won’t understand me. - they won't hear, etc... On a sensual level, a person is timid, does not feel protected from others, and because of this, he is not self-confident.
He is afraid to express his opinion, because he doubts his abilities, devaluing his mind and sanity, he denies his ability to influence others. He believes that little depends on him (on his stability, positive energy that he can convey to others, that he can be interesting). He believes more in negative consequences, although on a conscious level he understands that this may not be so. Justifying themselves, those: - others are more lucky than me.
He constantly needs to bend over. Feeling lack of self-esteem adapt to the changing world, like a sliver in the flow of events. Constantly resist the waves of life that are about to cover him. To please others, to yield to them - to become a survival strategist, to feel small and defenseless. Defending yourself, your opinion, expressing disagreement, refusing someone is very scary. He has experience since childhood: they will not understand, they will not accept, they will not recognize, they will reject, they will refuse - they will be left with nothing.
Bent and weak unconfident and his strength, he begins to quietly hate himself, feeding his inner pig with his state, confirming his opinion of himself as weak, unlucky in life: “I told you that you are not lucky, you have an ass instead of a head. Ha ha ha. Serves you right". But a person does not remember that these words were once spoken to him by his mother (dad, grandmother, teacher) when he was a child.
It's just that a person feels somehow unimportant, insecure, his head aches, his back aches. At this moment, he does not realize that a Civil War is going on inside him, but already with himself.
Self-doubt in interpersonal relationships.
How to earn love? Why, as luck would have it, some people are unlucky, love bypasses them, while others, on the contrary, have a lot of fans? And it's not always about looks.
If you are unhappy in your personal life, there can be many reasons for this.First, low self-esteem. If no one pays attention to you, then involuntarily you begin to feel like an insecure person and appreciate any manifestation of attention from the outside. And as a result, you fall in love with the first person who showed this attention. And he turns out not to be "the one" at all. If the successful can choose, then the unsuccessful must put up with what they have.
In fact, only you decide who you consider yourself to be - confident or a loser. So the choice is yours. Of course, it’s hard to wake up one day and say to yourself: “I’m cool!”, But otherwise, you can sit on the bench all your life while others enjoy life.
In addition, you need to be able to wait. Of course, someone says that you can wait like this until old age, but in response you can reasonably say that it is better to be alone than to spend time with just anyone. Sometimes the waiting becomes unbearable, but you have to trust your heart - it will not let you down.
If you want to be loved, you need to love yourself. Sometimes it seems that in order to please people, you have to behave the way they like, in other words, adapt and express your opinion less, especially if it does not coincide with the opinion of the one you want to please. Sometimes it works, and the person thinks that you are made for each other, but you know that in fact it is not. In addition, everything secret becomes clear sooner or later, and if at the beginning of your acquaintance you claimed that you love football, then later your loved one may be surprised to find that you cannot stand him. And disappointed in you. So it's best to be honest right away. Do not cut off the shoulder, but do not hide your views.
If you want to be loved, love yourself and open yourself to love. If you take a closer look around, you can see the love surrounding you - the one that you did not notice before. You can try to get to know people better. Perhaps the one who did not seem particularly interesting to you before will open up a new facet and become important person in your life.
Someone once told me to "lower the bar". Be more realistic and don't dream of a prince on a white horse. I don't know if it's right, if it's necessary to discount your dreams. In my case, the reality turned out to be better than all the dreams put together. True, I had to wait a bit ... But the reality exceeded all expectations.
Everyone tells you that you see the world through rose-colored glasses, that it's time to grow up and learn to face the truth. But who said that they see the world correctly and you don't? Who needs this gray routine? Let those who invented it live in it themselves! And you have a completely different path ...
Self-doubt and self-esteem.
To modern man, life itself puts forward a very high requirements: the ability to navigate in tense situations, to understand people, to creatively comprehend everything that happens. Sometimes it seems that everything will happen as it was decided long ago, that little depends on us, but ...
Our thoughts and emotions are closely intertwined, influence each other and our behavior in general, setting the tone for life. In fact, a lot depends on what we think about and how we think. An individual way of perceiving reality, the nature of thinking can both help us cope with a difficult task and add trouble. Often people do not understand exactly how bad, pessimistic thoughts cause failure.
Two opposing modes of thought can be imagined. The first one is based on a complete positive, the perception of the world as it is, with all aspects of its manifestations. If a person looks into the Universe through the prism of such thinking, then his well-being will not deteriorate from troubles. Another model is a negative way of thinking, in which even good luck will be regarded as accidental, such that it does not deserve attention.
Thoughts with sufficient power affect both the mental and physical state. Thinking about something bad can ruin your mood, reduce your appetite, invite insomnia to bed, cause depression, in the end.
The key point in the process of understanding reality is thinking about one's own person, about what kind of character our "I" looks like in the plot of our own life. To a large extent, we receive information about ourselves from the environment, from the society in which we are directly located: our family, colleagues, neighbors and just random passers-by - all of them shape our thoughts about their personality with their opinions and actions.
Each person, in fact, has three images of his "I". One is created on the basis of people's reactions, the second is our own idea of ourselves, the third is ideal, such a person would like to be. At different periods of their lives, perhaps due to a change in the environment, profession, other circumstances, everyone reconsiders and re-evaluates their behavior, actions, their “I” as a whole.
Unconfident a person who thinks of himself as a "typical loser" and sincerely believes in his unhappy fate, even under favorable conditions, cannot be happy, healthy, fully realized as a person. Anyone who considers himself born to suffer will certainly find evidence to support this view.
Consequently, satisfaction or dissatisfaction with life depends on how a person perceives himself, what thought about himself came to his mind and how he thinks it.
How to become self-confident? How to increase confidence? In fact, this is one of the most common problems that are addressed to a psychologist.
It usually starts out the other way. Few people come to the office and say: “I am an insecure person, help me.”
All these actions, habits and attitudes seem ordinary and normal to people who are insecure in themselves. Uncertainty is always fear, and, as you know, fears must be fought in the name of a harmonious and happy life!
So, let's look at how insecure people behave.
1. They don’t do what they would like because they know for sure that they won’t succeed (lack of knowledge, experience, education, beauty or something else)
The good news is that success in any enterprise is almost never dependent on experience, education, or talent. Success is an effort and faith in victory. Don't you know people who are very talented, but, let's say, occupy worse positions than their less intelligent counterparts? Do you know cases when a person changed his life, becoming successful and famous, starting his way from the very bottom? There are millions of those and other examples, and what prevents you from achieving what you want is only your uncertainty. Scary - take a step, very scary - take two! Whether you succeed or not will depend only on the amount of effort you put in!
2. Communicate with those people who do not like or who humiliate them
One of the most striking indicators of an insecure person is an amazing, incredible ability to continue to communicate with people who put them down or assert themselves at their expense. When I was studying at high school, I had a girlfriend who daily convinced me that I was fat, stupid, ugly and what else teenagers usually convince each other of. By the senior classes, I realized the unproductiveness of such communication, on which it ended once and for all. It was in childhood, but I know a lot of adults who have such "friends" and with the pleasure of a masochist every time they listen to more and more interesting facts about themselves.
Such communication is not only not beneficial - it is very harmful, both in the fact that your self-esteem tends to the baseboard, and in the fact that you are incredibly energetically depleted, and your opponent, on the contrary, “feeds” on your emotions. Most likely, you have a lot of excuses why you cannot stop such communication, but know that it is only in your head, it is much easier to end such a relationship than you think. Some things just need to be done...
3. Cannot refuse a request
These are such wonderful people who do not even have doubts when, after a hard day at work, they are asked to rush to the other end of the city to sit with their child while his mother and her girlfriends go to the club. These are the ones who are happy to take on the work of a colleague, because he asked. They are ready to give up all their affairs, postpone plans and fulfill the request with all their might in the name of: “what if he thinks badly of me” or “what if he gets offended.”
Well, he'll think. And then what? What will change in your life if you say "no" when you want to say it? There will be more time and energy for your own affairs. Increase self-respect. And you will be more appreciated and respected. Yes, of course, if you are pleased to help - this is one thing, but if you are already “going and your legs are hanging down”, then there is reason to think.
Don't know how to become a confident person? and get instructions on how to get out of uncertainty!
4. Their opinion of themselves is directly affected by what others say about them.
This is the most common and most difficult situation. The Universe constantly sends us different people and different reactions to us. Some people like us, some don't. But it is precisely the obsession with the opinions of others that betrays insecure people: “what will the neighbors say about me”, “what will they think if ...”.
People both thought and think and not always well. It is precisely this "not good", usually, that our heroes accept about themselves as the truth. I'm fat because the saleswoman in the store said so, no one needs me, because the guy I refused said so, and so on and so forth.
The result is a portrait of a curved mirror. Remember, as in childhood, fun rooms? Imagine that you have never seen yourself in a normal mirror before, and now they give you a crooked one, where you look at yourself for the first time in your life. What will be the feeling? This is who I am...
But you are an adult, why do you compose an understanding of yourself based on an image from an unrealistic display? There are many methods to fix this. Start by writing out a list of your real qualities based on objective data, and not on someone’s subjective assessment: “What I am ...” (not to be confused with “what others say about me”).
5. Understand that they are not worthy of what they want.
"I'm too ugly to have loving husband”, “I have a poor education so that I can earn more”, “with such a character, I will always be alone” and so on and so forth. All this is nonsense.
Any miracle can happen to any person as soon as he is internally ready to accept it. Don't you know examples of ugly women and their happy marriages, lack of education and large sums of money? If it happened to some, then it can happen to you. It will, as soon as you're ready to accept it. Therefore, stop doubting, underestimate your dreams and grow wings from your desires.
6. Compare themselves to acquaintances, friends, colleagues, neighbors
Yes, insecure people constantly compare themselves with someone and the comparison is not in their favor.
But you, by definition, cannot compare yourself to anyone else, because you are a unique person who came into this world. There has never been and never will be another like you! You are amazing! You are unique!
7. Doubt, tension, embarrassment are their constant companions.
Do you try to do nothing without thinking it over carefully, weighing and measuring it all 33 times, but doubts and stress less and less allow you to take a step towards new opportunities? Congratulations, it is insecurity that keeps you from living your life to the fullest.
Life gives us a lot of chances and it's only our choice to use them or not. Scrolling in the head, thinking and dreaming, but doing nothing, we miss a lot of opportunities. Life passes, act!
Also, insecure people often feel embarrassed and constantly apologize. They put their desires and their opinions in second and subsequent places, try to please everyone, prefer to “keep silent” and stay away from others, live in dreams, and real life postponing "for later" and much more.
In general, self-doubt is one of the most destructive feelings. It is clear that everyone experiences doubts in one area or another from time to time, but when this uncertainty takes possession of a person, capturing his entire existence, this, without a doubt, begins to destroy his life. And if you do not work on gaining self-confidence, then there can be no talk of a happy life, success and harmonious relationships.
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