In the life of any person that. Important rituals in the life of any person. The meaning of life is self-realization
MOM LIKE GOD
Are we satisfied with our relationship with our mother? Are you satisfied with your self-esteem, which was formed in childhood? Didn't mom say: don't paint your lips like that, doesn't it suit you? Or: you are too shy, do boys not pay attention to such people? Or: do you not have enough plasticity for dancing? One more question: is my mother happy with me, an adult woman, today? And why do I still care?
Lyudmila Petranovskaya: “Mom is a very important character in the life of any person. For a small child, mother is his universe, his deity. As the Greek gods moved clouds, sent floods or, conversely, rainbows, the mother also rules over the child to about the same extent. While he is small, for him this power is absolute, he cannot criticize it or move away from it. And in these relations a lot is laid: how he sees and will see himself, the world, relations between people. If mom gave us a lot of love, acceptance, respect, then we received a lot of resources to deal with our view of the world and ourselves.
AND IF NOT?
Even at thirty, we can't always resist our mother's assessments. These children still live inside of us: a three-year-old, a five-year-old, a ten-year-old, to whom mother's criticism has eaten into the liver itself, into the inside - even at a time when they could not oppose anything to it. If mom said: “Forever everything is not with you, thank God!” - so that's how it was. Today we understand with our heads that, perhaps, my mother is bending over about the fact that everything is always wrong with me. We even remind ourselves as arguments about our position, education, number of children. But inside of us, at the level of feelings, the same Small child, for which mom is always right: our dishes are not so washed, the bed is not made so, the haircut failed again. And we experience an internal conflict between the realization that the mother is wrong, and the unconscious childish acceptance of mother's words as the ultimate truth.
TO FORGIVE OR NOT TO FORGIVE
In fact, when there is an internal conflict, it means that you can work with it, try to do something. It's more dangerous when it's not there. After all, you can stay forever in a five-year-old state, believing that mom is always right, and make excuses, be offended, ask for forgiveness or hope to somehow try and show yourself so well that mom suddenly actually sees how beautiful I am.
Today, the idea of “forgive and let go” is popular. Forgive your parents for treating you differently as a child, and you will immediately feel better ... This idea does not give any release. What can and should be done is to be sad about that child (you as a child), feel sorry for him and sympathize with your mother, because everyone deserves sympathy. And compassion is a much healthier start than arrogant forgiveness.
Try not to forgive, but to understand: my mother was in a situation about which we know nothing, and, probably, she did only what she could. And we could draw erroneous conclusions: “Everything is always not thankful to God with me,” “There is nothing to love me for,” or “I can only be loved when I am useful to other people.” Such decisions, which are made in childhood, then imperceptibly affect the whole life of a person, and the point is to understand: it was not true.
THEIR CHILDHOOD
Now is the time for a warmer relationship between parents and children. And our mothers in their childhood, almost all were given to a nursery, and many for a five-day period. It was a common practice, so how could they learn warmth and close contact?
Fifty years ago, they were given to a nursery at two months, because maternity leave, and if a woman did not work, it was considered parasitism. Yes, someone was lucky, there was a grandmother nearby, but mostly they were city dwellers in the first generation, their parents remained far away in the villages. But there was no money for nannies, and there was no culture of hired workers ... There was no way out - and at two or three months the child went to a nursery: twenty-five beds in a row, between them one nanny who gave a bottle every four hours. And everything, and the whole contact of the child with the world.
In the best case, if the mother did not work in shifts at the factory and could take him home every evening, the child would receive his mother at least in the evening, but he was extremely exhausted by work. And she still had to cope with Soviet life - cook food, get food in lines, wash clothes in a basin.
This is maternal deprivation (deprivation), when the child did not have access to the mother at all, or had it, when she thought not about smiling at him and tickling his belly, but about how tired she was. Children with such experience do not have the ability to enjoy their child, to communicate with him, to be in contact. All these models are taken from their childhood. When in childhood they kiss you, hold you in their arms, talk, they rejoice at you, they do some stupid things with you, games, you absorb it and then unconsciously reproduce it with your children. What if there is nothing to play?
Many thirty-year-olds now have memories of their childhood as that their mother complains all the time about how hard it is for her: a burden, responsibility, you don’t belong to yourself ... Their mothers took it out of their childhood - there is no joy in motherhood, you must raise a worthy citizen who the school, the Komsomol organization would be happy.
Today's mothers have to restore the lost programs of normal parental behavior, when you get joy from children, and for you, parenthood, with all its costs, is compensated by great pleasure from the child.
RETURN YOUR ROLE
There is one more aspect. Our mothers, who did not receive enough protection and care from their mothers in their childhood, could not fully satisfy their own children's needs. And in a way they couldn't grow up. They got a profession, worked, could hold leadership positions, create families ... But the child that is inside them, he turned out to be hungry - for love, for attention. Therefore, when they had their own children and grew up a little, became more reasonable, such a phenomenon as inverted parentification often arose. This is when parents and children essentially switch roles. When your child is six years old and he wants to take care of you, he loves you, it is very easy to get hooked on this - as a source of the very love that you were deprived of.
Our mothers grew up with the feeling that they were not loved enough (if they had loved, they would not have been sent to a nursery, they would not have yelled). And then at their disposal is a little man who is ready to love them with all his heart, without any conditions, absolutely completely belong to him.
This is such a "dream come true", such a temptation that is difficult to resist. And many could not resist, and entered into these inverted relationships with their children, when psychologically the child, as it were, “adopted” the parents. At the social level, they continued to be in charge, they could prohibit, punish, they supported the child. And at the psychological level, the children began to be responsible for the psychological well-being of their parents - "Don't upset mommy!". The children were told about their troubles at work, about the lack of money, the children could complain about the goat husband or the hysterical wife. The involvement of children as home therapists and "vests" in the emotional life of parents began.
And it is very difficult to refuse this: the parents, as they were unloved children, have remained, because the child, even if he hurt himself into a cake, cannot give them that.
And when a son or daughter grows up and begins to separate, start their own family, their own life, parents experience the feeling that an abandoned child experiences, whose mom and dad went on a long business trip. And naturally, this is an insult, claims, a desire to be in this life, to interfere in it, to be present in it. The behavior of a small child that demands attention demands to be loved. And adult children who have lived most of their childhood in a parental role feel guilty and responsible and often feel like bastards who don't love their "child" parent enough, abandoned him. At the same time, another part of them, an adult, tells them: you have your own family, your own plans. It turns out a complex conglomeration of guilt and irritation towards these parents ... And the parents have a strong resentment.
WHEN MOTHER IS OFFENDED
First of all, remind yourself that these are not resentments against you, but against their own parents, and there is nothing you can do about it. Very often, these grievances are also unfounded, unfair: it’s not that they didn’t love, but that they were in a very difficult situation. And it seems to me that it is important here not to continue to interact with this childish part of your parents, but still communicate with the adult.
Every parent, even the most offended, still has something they can give you and something they can help you with. It is much better than serving your mother's resentment, for example, asking her to pamper you, cook the food that you love since childhood, spend time with you.
This is an appeal to her correct part of the personality, to the parent. And for any parent it’s nice that you can, for example, feed your child as deliciously as they don’t feed in any restaurant, you can cook for him what he loved in childhood. And the person no longer feels like a small offended child, but an adult who can give something.
You can ask your mother about her childhood - because access to the emotional state that shaped her current one always helps. If she remembers the difficult moments of her childhood, we can sympathize, feel sorry for her (that child), then she herself will be able to feel sorry for him.
And perhaps she will remember that not everything in her childhood was so bad, and although there were difficult circumstances, there were also Good times good, happy memories. Talking to your parents about their childhood is useful - you get to know and understand them better, this is what they need.
BABY YOURSELF
Yes, there are difficult cases when a mother wants only to control, but not to interact in any way. So, you will have to increase the distance, to understand that, no matter how sad, but you will not have good, close relationships.
You Can't Make Your Mom Happy, It's Not Your Responsibility It's important to realize that kids can't "adopt" their parents, no matter how hard they try.
This is how it works: parents give to children, but it doesn’t work back. We can give concrete help to parents in situations where they objectively cannot cope. But we cannot help them grow up and overcome their psychological traumas. There is no point in even trying: you can tell them that there is such a thing as psychotherapy, but then they are on their own.
In fact, we have only two ways to grow (and usually people combine them). The first is to get everything we need from our parents. And the second is to grieve about the fact that we did not receive this, to cry, to feel sorry for ourselves, to sympathize with ourselves. And live on. Because we have a large margin of safety in this regard.
And there is a bad way - it's all my life to rush with the bill "I was not given" and, at any opportunity, poke it to my mother - real or virtual, in my head. And hope that someday she will finally understand, realize and pay off this bill with interest.
But the truth is, she can't do it. Even if she suddenly magically changes and becomes the most mature, wise and loving mother in the world. There, in the past, where you were a child, only you have access, and only we ourselves can “baby” our inner child.
Finding your way is the most important thing in the life of any person. I am deeply convinced that every person is uniquely talented, everyone has a divine gift. The tragedy of humanity lies in the fact that we do not know how, and do not strive to discover and nurture this gift in a child. Genius in our country is a rarity and even a miracle, but what is a genius? It's just a lucky person. His fate was such that life circumstances themselves pushed the person to right choice way. Classic example- Mozart. He was born in the family of a musician and from early childhood he found himself in an environment that ideally nourished the talent inherent in him by nature. Now imagine, dear sir, that Wolfgang Amadeus had been born into a peasant family. He would make a nasty shepherd entertaining cows magic game on the flute. If he had been born in the family of a martinet, he would have grown up as a mediocre officer who adores military marches. Oh, believe me, young man, every, every child without exception is fraught with a treasure, only you need to be able to get to the bottom of this treasure!
You don’t need to get married a lot, but you try to make her smile every day and set you as an example.
Each person surpasses me in something; And in this sense, I have a lot to learn from him.
Everyone gets what they want in life. But not everyone is happy after that.
We become blind to what we see every day. But every day is different, and every day is a miracle. The only question is to pay attention to this miracle.
Make life around you beautiful. And let every person feel that meeting with you is a gift.
The main thing in a family is not to change each other, not to improve, but to make each other happier.
Every person on earth, no matter what he does, plays a major role in the history of the world. And usually they don't even know about it.
One of the most common misconceptions is to consider people as good, evil, stupid, smart. A person flows, and there are all possibilities in him: he was stupid, he became smart, he was angry, he became kind and vice versa. This is the greatness of man. And you can't judge a person from that. You condemned, and he is already different.
Every person who appears in our life is a teacher! Someone teaches us to be stronger, someone wiser, someone teaches us to forgive, someone teaches us to be happy and enjoy every day. Someone does not teach us at all - they just break us, but we also gain experience from this. Appreciate every person, even if he appeared for a moment. After all, if he appeared, then this is no accident!
Many rituals that we use every day have come to us from time immemorial. IN modern world they have not lost their relevance and still help to avoid problems and attract good luck.
Why knock on wood? Many people have probably asked this question. People perform many actions every day unconsciously, unaware that many of them are ancient rituals aimed at protecting themselves and their loved ones from all sorts of misfortunes. Most of these rituals we use every day. They originate in pre-Christian Russia, when people were looking for ways to protect themselves from enemies and troubles.
daily rituals
Knock on wood. In pagan culture, a tree is a symbol of wisdom, protecting from evil spirits (aspen), giving wisdom (oak), relieving melancholy and illness (birch, willow). With the advent of Christianity, knocking on wood began to be identified with the wooden crucifixion of Christ, who was able to protect against any misfortunes, including from the evil eye and damage. Tree protection was widely used by our ancestors. They believed that the spirits that dwell in them are able to hear the one who asks and save him from troubles. So, small children, who were capricious at night, lightly tapped their legs on a small log to calm them down.
Spit over your shoulder. Popular beliefs say that the right shoulder is the place of a guardian angel, and the left is a demon. He carefully monitors every action, so that in case of an oversight, he begins his own negative impact. Therefore, it is customary to spit over the left shoulder, so that it would not be customary for the evil one to eavesdrop and spy on thoughts and harm.
Blow off yourself. Often we see how people, after showing something on themselves, ran their palms over the body, and then blew them off. Such a gesture is due to the fact that all manifestations of negativity are from the evil one, and it must certainly be removed from oneself. Showing the illness of another person, you need to protect yourself and get rid of negative energy.
Get on the track. In Russia, they believed that this ritual helps to enlist the support of the spirits of the road and promises a calm path without incident, and also appeases the brownie. The defender of the house does not like it when someone leaves the space entrusted to him for a long time, so they used to list out loud all the things that they took with them. If one of the items is not found, then the brownie is sure that it will not be needed on a long journey. Also, at the last minute before leaving, you may be visited by the thought of taking something else, or even a necessary item will appear nearby. Thus, the brownie shows the location to you and helps to get ready. Before you leave the house, sit down and listen. Perhaps it is at this moment that a good spirit will give you last parting words and protect you from troubles.
Look in the mirror if you forgot something. A person who hastened to leave the house can remember the forgotten thing he needs. In this case, you should say "fuck me". It is believed that returning from the path promises bad luck, so all negativity should be left to your reflection, locking it there. Our ancestors, not having mirrors, looked into the water. If the water remained still, then the road was free from accidents. If light ripples appeared on the water, they hit it with their hand, said "fuck me" and bowed to the red corner. It was necessary to leave with a straight back, without looking back, and twist the fig on the hand from the evil eye.
Do not pass over the threshold. Our ancestors strictly observed this ritual. They did not greet and did not pass anything if they were separated by the threshold of the front door. The thing is that in pre-Christian times, the ashes of deceased relatives were most often buried under the threshold. Thus, they strengthened the generic protection and fenced off from the negative from the outside. Ancestors believed that a hostile land began beyond the threshold of the house, inhabited not only by good spirits, but also by evil spirits, which could cause a lot of problems and troubles. In order not to incur trouble and inadvertently not invite negativity into the house, the guest must first enter, and only then say hello or pass something necessary.
Don't sleep at sunset. Many people remember how in childhood grandparents often said that you can’t sleep at sunset. Moreover, this should not be done if a person is sick. The twilight time, when the sun no longer has power over the earth, was considered the hour of evil spirits. The thin line between the worlds missed the creatures of evil that could affect a person who was not protected in a dream. In order to save someone who has accidentally fallen asleep from trouble, it is necessary to wake him up and let him wash clean water. If a person sleeps too soundly, you need to wipe him with a cloth dipped in ordinary or holy water, and say: “Water washes away troubles, protects from evil spirits.”
These and many other superstitions often save us from real troubles. Eyewitnesses tell many cases when gatherings on the path literally pulled them out of the clutches of death. At the very last minute, they suddenly unknowingly delayed, and then it turned out that their vehicle had been in a terrible accident. We wish you good luck in life and an easy road. Be happy and don't forget to press the buttons and
15.03.2017 03:25
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