When you can't make the right decision. I can't make decisions. Try to eliminate negative feelings
When people share the worst decisions they have made in their lives, they often refer to the fact that the choice was made in a fit of instinctive emotions: passion, fear, greed.
Our life would be completely different if Ctrl + Z were active in life, which would cancel the decisions made.
But we are not slaves of our mood. Instinctive emotions tend to become dull or completely disappear. That's why folk wisdom recommends that in the case when you need to make an important decision, it is better to go to bed. Good advice, By the way. It won't hurt to take note! Although for many solutions one sleep is not enough. We need a specific strategy.
One of effective tools which we would like to offer you, strategy for success at work and in life from Susie Welch(Suzy Welch) - former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review, popular author, television commentator and journalist. It is called 10/10/10 and involves making decisions through the prism of three different time frames:
- How will you feel about it 10 minutes later?
- What will you think about this decision after 10 months?
- What will be your reaction to this in 10 years?
By focusing our attention on these deadlines, we distance ourselves some distance from the problem of our making an important decision.
Now let's look at the effect of this rule on an example.
Situation: Veronica has a boyfriend Cyril. They have been dating for 9 months, but their relationship can hardly be called ideal. Veronika claims that Kirill is a wonderful person, and in many ways he is exactly who she has been looking for throughout her life. However, she is very worried that their relationship is not moving forward. She is 30, she wants a family and. She does not have an endless amount of time to develop a relationship with Kirill, who is under 40. During these 9 months, she never met Cyril's daughter from her first marriage, and in their pair the cherished "I love you" never sounded from either side.
The divorce from his wife was terrible. After that, Cyril decided to avoid a serious relationship. In addition, he keeps his daughter away from his personal life. Veronica understands that he is in pain, but she is also offended that such an important part of her beloved's life is closed to her.
Veronica knows that Cyril does not like to rush into decisions. But should she then herself take the step and say “I love you” first?
The girl was advised to use the 10/10/10 rule, and this is what came of it. Veronica was asked to imagine that right now she has to decide whether she confesses her love to Cyril on the weekend or not.
Question 1: How will you react to this decision after 10 minutes?
Answer:“I think I would be worried, but at the same time proud of myself that I took a chance and said it first.”
Question 2: What would you think of your decision if 10 months had passed?
Answer:“I don't think I'll regret it 10 months later. No, I will not. I sincerely want everything to work out. Who does not take risks, then does not drink champagne!
Question 3: How do you feel about your decision 10 years later?
Answer:“Regardless of how Cyril reacts, in 10 years the decision to declare love first is unlikely to matter. By that time, either we'll be happy together, or I'll be in a relationship with someone else."
Notice the 10/10/10 rule works! As a result, we have quite a simple solution:
Veronica has to take the lead. She will be proud of herself if she does this, and sincerely believes that she will not regret what she did, even if nothing works out with Cyril in the end. But without a conscious analysis of the situation according to the 10/10/10 rule, making an important decision seemed extremely difficult for her. Short-term emotions—fear, nervousness, and fear of rejection—were distractions and deterrents.
What happened to Veronica after, you might ask. She did say "I love you" first. In addition, she tried to do everything to change the situation, and stop feeling in limbo. Cyril did not confess his love to her. But progress was on the face: he became closer to Veronica. The girl believes that he loves her, that he just needs a little more time to overcome his own and confess the reciprocity of feelings. In her opinion, the chances that they will be together are up to 80%.
Eventually
The 10/10/10 rule helps you win on the emotional side of the game. The feelings that you are experiencing now, at this moment, seem rich and sharp, and the future, on the contrary, is vague. Therefore, the emotions experienced in the present are always in the foreground.
The 10/10/10 strategy forces you to change the angle of your vision: to consider a moment in the future (for example, in 10 months) from the same point of view that you are looking at in the present.
This method allows you to put your short-term emotions into perspective. It's not that you should ignore them. Often they even help you get what you want in a given situation. But you must not let your emotions get the better of you.
It is necessary to remember the contrast of emotions not only in life, but also at work. For example, if you intentionally avoid a serious conversation with your boss, you are letting your emotions get the best of you. If you imagine the possibility of having a conversation, then after 10 minutes you will be just as nervous, and after 10 months - will you be glad that you decided to have this conversation? Breathe easy? Or will you feel proud?
But what if you want to reward the work of a great employee and are going to offer him a promotion: will you doubt the correctness of your decision in 10 minutes, will you regret what you did 10 months later (suddenly other employees will feel left out), and will it Will the promotion make any difference to your business 10 years from now?
As you can see short-term emotions are not always harmful. The 10/10/10 rule suggests that looking at emotions in the long run is not the only correct one. It only proves that the short-term feelings you experience cannot be at the head of the table when you make important and responsible decisions.
Throughout their conscious life, each person makes many decisions. Every day he faces a choice of how to act correctly in any situation, what to buy in a store, where to go to study or work, what to wear to a responsible or not so important event, how to distribute his finances. Decision making is often accompanied by stress, which is known to negatively affect our psyche. How to make a decision to minimize negative consequences?
"Debriefing" on the simplest example
The longer we hesitate, not knowing how to make the right decision, the more negative emotions we experience, the faster we lose the ability to correctly and quickly choose the right option.
It's good, of course, to think about the past and analyze your actions already committed. But when, say, we occupy our thoughts for a week with only one question that is related to making a decision, this goes already not for good, but for harm. The more we think, the more solutions pop up in our heads. If each of these options is not bad, we cease to perceive the task adequately, because we are in a suspended state that does not allow us to look at things soberly. There is no right decision here.
Psychologists have developed a set of rules that will make it easier to make a decision, regardless of the nature of the issue. Whether you are thinking about what to wear to a party or deciding whether to continue dating a man or better break up with him - in any case, take into account these rules.
to the title to the titleDo not rely only on yourself
When making a difficult decision, discuss it with loved ones. There is a good chance that you will get good advice from them. This is first. Secondly, a problem that has been voiced several times ceases to be a problem, but takes on a clear outline of a situation from which there are at least two ways out. But we want to warn you: do not cross the line and do not ask for advice from everyone around you. Trust only those closest to you. After all, everyone can advise, but there will be no sense from this - an abundance of advice, especially from strangers who are unfamiliar with your situation, will simply confuse you.
back to contentsDo not decide from a moment of emotional stress
Postpone making any decision until the time when you are no longer overwhelmed with emotions and feelings. They are not in the best way affect the correctness of the decision. If you take it at a moment of emotional stress, the consequences may not be desirable. Wait until everything boils inside you, take a sober look at the situation and try to make the right decision.
back to contentsthink about it tomorrow
Remember how the unforgettable Scarlett O'Hara from the novel "Gone with the Wind" said? Right: "I'll think about it tomorrow." And it is not for nothing that people say that the morning is wiser than the evening. Psychologists are sure: our subconscious mind knows the answers to all questions. During the day, the brain is overloaded with information, it cannot decipher the signals sent by the subconscious. Therefore, do not make an important decision during the day or in the evening. It is better to ask yourself a question that worries you before going to bed, it is quite possible that in the morning you will already know what to do. In such a case, it is recommended to put a sheet of paper and a pen or a voice recorder on the bedside table near the bed. The solution to the problem may come to you even when you are half asleep, and it will need to be fixed so as not to forget.
back to contentsNo matter how much sensible advice you are given, remember that you must make the decision yourself. After all, this is your life, you should not trust even very close people to manage it. After all, each person, regarding the situation, proceeds from his own considerations. What suits this person may not suit you. Consider opinions from the outside, but without fanaticism.
back to contentsListen to your heart and trust your intuition
Remember the anecdote when an inner voice said to an avid gambler who staked his entire fortune: “God, how wrong I was!”. The inner voice is often wrong, so you need to trust either your body or your intuition (everyone is different). One man, signing an important contract, felt an unpleasant tingling in his chest. The contract, as it turned out later, was unprofitable. Another felt a headache, the third - a slight dizziness. All these are the signals that the body sends us, and this is his request to delay the decision. In this case, we call intuition not an inner voice that can make mistakes, but clues from the outside world - peculiar signs. Phrases dropped by someone in our presence, posters, objects, signs, and so on. Often the world around us helps to ensure that our thoughts are concentrated in the right direction. The main thing is to notice the signs sent by fate.
back to contentsDo not repeat steps
Many people, when making decisions, are guided by analogies: this, they say, has already happened before, it was necessary to do this and that, and that’s what we’ll do now. Of course, experience is good, and it also needs to be connected when making an important decision. But do not forget that life is not a swamp, but a river, which, as you know, cannot be entered twice. Try to find a new way to solve the problem.
back to contentsConsider and plan for the future
There are decisions that affect our future. And there are those who can radically change our life path. These are very important decisions that must be taken into account. possible options. So, a change of residence may make you lonely, and leaving work will deprive you of career opportunities.
back to contentsPositive thoughts help
Popular psychology books related to positive thinking are of great interest to readers. If you have heard about the methods of N. Pravdina, A. Sviyash, V. Levy, N. Kozlov, then you know that any of our desires materialize and come true. Dreams turn into reality. Therefore, when making a decision, it is better to present a positive picture of fulfilled desires. This helps not only to make the right decision, but also not to go astray. Difficulty breaking up with married man? Do not think about loneliness, but imagine yourself free and dream of meeting with great love. Can't eat after six? Imagine how your figure becomes perfect. Are you afraid to leave a low-paid and unloved job? Save money as a financial cushion and look for a new activity. Imagine how happy you will be in doing what you love.
How to make the right decision
What you need to know for yourself before making the right decision, what questions to ask and how to guide decision-making
Most people are afraid, do not know or do not know how (do not understand) how to approach and make a decision.
And if we divide the decision-making into stages (steps). What steps are important to make the most correct, final decision?
I will talk about these steps below, but first, what to pay attention to when making decisions.
It often happens that before making a decision, a person does not really know what he wants or which option he should choose.
And here it is important that you do not just analyze, but put aside logic for a while and immerse yourself in attention, feel whether it is really pleasant for you, whether it will be a pleasure for you to do this business for a long time. And we do not focus here only on the result, money and profit. Just listen to your inner voice, sometimes a hint may not come right away, and here it’s better not to put pressure on yourself, but to bear the answer, trust your intuition.
You can also ask yourself a couple of questions: “What does my mind tell me?” and answer out loud quickly, without thinking, and then ask: “What does my intuition (my soul) tell me?”, and look very carefully at your very first thoughts that come to mind, most often they are the most correct. Observe for yourself what feelings they evoke in you, whether there is something in them that inspires you.
I consider this the main advice and in most cases, this is all that is needed to make the right decision.
Do you know what a famous and successful person said about this:
Feel free to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you really want to become.Steve Jobs
And it often happens that the situations themselves do not tolerate reasoning from us, you just need to do something and that's it. For example, if you are single, an opportunity has presented itself and you feel that you sincerely want to get acquainted, then you should not go into all these - “What will happen if ...”, listen to your heart and just follow it - take some action with the answer to all doubts , - "what will be."
5 questions in decision making
Very often we doubt whether I really need it, why. And especially if the decision affects the global and long-term perspective. Here I still recommend listening more to the inner voice, but you can ask yourself 5 leading questions.
First question- "Do I want it X do I want to do this, do I want to have this, do I want to be somebody?"We honestly answer ourselves" YES" or " NO«.
When you have identified and answered yourself: “YES”, this is what I want to do, let's move on to the next question, - “ If I do this, if I become someone and achieve this, will I be in harmony with myself, with the Universe, or for those who believe, in harmony with God?»
If you answered “YES” to yourself, then ask yourself the following question "If I do this, if I become someone, then bring closer whether it me to my goal, my dream ?»
If your answer is “YES”, then ask yourself another question, - “ If I do this, if I have this, if I become someone, will it violate human rights?”
If your answer is "NO", then go to the last question, - " If I achieve my goal, will I do better for myself and someone else? This question is perhaps the easiest to answer.
And having answered your questions, having decided, you need to take action. Right now, at this moment start taking action to change something in your life. To become successful, independent and finally achieve what you so desire. Don't procrastinate telling yourself- “That’s it, yes, I’ve decided that tomorrow I’ll start acting”, or “I’ll think again and then I’ll finally decide whether I need it or not”- Believe me, friends, it is unlikely that you will decide and start something.
And if you try later, as a rule, this is just another attempt and no more. Do straightaway even the smallest step is important your first step important START.
For example, such a first step is the need to collect useful information, find out what and how. The more details you know, the easier it is to make decisions and move faster and more confidently.
Just worry and don't move
Do not delay making final decisions if you already feel that this is yours, you crave change and you need it, and do not worry too much now about how you will be and when, what will come - these are not the questions now, gradually everything will come itself. Your the main objective now to make a decision.
If you delay making a decision, it means that you have already made a decision to leave everything as it is.
Remember that Doubts will still remain and you should not get rid of them in every possible way. It’s normal to experience, because no one can predict success and know exactly how everything will go, you can only, to a greater or lesser extent, believe depending on experience and conditions.
And once you make the final decision and start taking the first steps , all these "HOW" - they will come to you. You will find or you will meet necessary people, and the right situations will begin to arise around you. You will begin to attract them to you, this is some kind of amazing phenomenon, but I convinced myself that it works, like a relationship with the universe.
By the way, think carefully and remember when you started to think about something and do something, no matter what, when all of a sudden, right away or after some time, something like this started to happen - you met the right people or you found yourself in that place and at that time, or the necessary information came across.
So, the main thing — decide.
Don't base yourself on decision making From what you have today, think what you want, strive for it and make your decision on that. The fear of failure is always stronger than the possibility of change, it is much more terrible for us to lose something than the desire to try to gain something, but if you are guided only, you will not go far.
And all other questions, such as, “Can I do this?”, “Am I doing it right?” “And if it doesn’t work out?” - All these questions are not questions of a person who wants more from life. They should be given attention only for a quick assessment of the reality of what is being implemented, in order to correct the course and nothing more.
Almost every one of you has been in a situation where, having made some decision and started doing something, after a while, maybe quickly, maybe later, you understand - it was necessary differently.
If you don’t accept for yourself what is not and will not be absolutely right decision, if you are afraid and based only on, you will never achieve what you dream of.
The point is that You either do it or you don't and there's no other choice.. Except as an even worse option, it is being all the time in a waiting state only to think and dream about something, to wait 100% opportunity in the hope that this will come, do nothing, and all the time be in a state of dissatisfaction with yourself and your life.
“Any plan of action has its price and its risk. But they are much less than the price and risk of comfortably doing nothing.”John F. Kennedy
What stops you from making better decisions?
We are in different time we are in different states depending on some external or internal factors, and as a result, no matter how smart you are, our consciousness perceives the situation differently. And in making some decision you failed to do right choice because that at that time were not in that condition, you may have been depressed, anxious and overworked, and you simply did not have enough potential.
In another case, when you almost immediately understand what led to the wrong decision, and not because you made a conscious wrong decision, not because “ consciousness is not enough“, but because it was not possible to restrain oneself, to control oneself by discarding emotions (most often this happens, and this is the saddest thing).
Too often we are blinded by emotions that make us miss important nuances in making one or another choice and which later may be decisive. Therefore, always before making an important decision, calm down, for this it is best to observe the breath for 5-8 slow, calm inhalations and exhalations, and if you are too excited then postpone the decision for a while, let your brain calm down and clear up.
How to be guided in decisions (choice of actions)
Make decisions based on the principles
When making decisions, always remember and be guided by your main principles and sincere desires. For example, if you want to start a business, then you need to consider that it will not be an easy walk, but hard work. Are you ready to sacrifice your comfort, personal time and family time? And what is it all for?
Maybe you will understand that just the same family, comfort and peace, this is what you are striving for, and earning a lot of money can take a lot of this away from you. Some people, starting to chase money, forget about their main values, for the sake of which they began to do it at all.
If you still feel that this business or something else is necessary for you, then go ahead and be bolder.
Focus on the essentials
When you have already decided everything, started to act and determine the direction every day, decide what to do now, always be guided by priority main action, ask yourself - "What is the best right now, at this moment, I can do in order to get closer to my goal?"
And taking concrete action - without delay, you try to do it.. Just don't over tighten.
How to make a decision. Motivation
And for my support, motivation, I highly recommend keeping a diary, this is really important.
How do we make a diary? In a new notebook we write, first questions, then we answer - “ Why do I need it?”, “What will it give me?”, “ How confident will I become?», « How will I feel about it?», « How will I live with this??», « What opportunities will this give me?". Describe everything vividly, in colorful images, presenting as if you have already achieved success and are now experiencing these sensations.
And every day you should start by reading the diary, with this most powerful motivation. You perform actions already in a different mood, and with each subsequent day this mood will become better.
In what you write, in 95% of cases you will not believe. Why is that? Because it's all about the (settings) that we have inside, in our subconscious. And if we do not change these attitudes, we are doomed to failure. In order to reprogram, change these programs, you will write this diary. When you put your thoughts on paper, the brain perceives everything differently than when it happens in the head.
But the best thing is if you still, at the same time, find a like-minded person who will share your vision, your goals. And sharing with him your thoughts, or even read them aloud. Everything will begin to boil inside you, you will, as it were, be divided in two. One part will say-" You can not ", another " You will succeed ". And most importantly, with such repetition and discipline you program your subconscious, change your unsuccessful installations.
There are other ways of programming, but this is in other articles. Why others? It's simple - some of us perceive everything visually, then audio information, or you need both together. All this can be easily felt if you just listen to yourself. In the meantime, I recommend learning a little more about with it, it can dramatically change your life as a whole.
And one moment, each person in the process of the journey has such days when everything falls out of hand, there is no mood, well-being, to put it mildly, is not working and you need to continue doing something, but things are not going at all. Write on a card that you will always carry with you your most cherished goal. And when you need to act, but there is no mood, take out your card and ask yourself, “Why and why do you need all this?” And honestly answer this question for yourself. Your response will motivate you to take action and only action will lead you to your goal.
Finally, how to decide:
And always remember, each of us is a unique person, with his weaknesses, but also his strengths. And each of us has the right to be who we want!
good luck with the adoption right decisions and energy for action! !
Best regards Andrey Russkikh
Check it out for sure! How to fulfill a dream
Why in modern world Overwhelmed by small issues, it becomes increasingly difficult for us to make decisions - and how to cope with fatigue so that you have time for something really important. You probably already know the basic rules: plan more (so that you don’t have to torment yourself every evening, go to the gym or not), deal with important issues with a fresh mind and a full stomach, and if the choice is not very important, but you don’t want to waste time, put yourself a time limit and act. Now let's figure out how to act if you have a difficult question.
Don't rely too much on others
Finding out the opinion of others before making an important decision is a normal practice: sometimes everyone needs a look from the outside, especially if it is not possible to comprehensively and objectively assess the situation “from the inside”. Another thing is that in the pursuit of knowing someone else's opinion, there is always a risk of forgetting about own desires and arguments. As valuable as the advice of friends, colleagues and loved ones is, it is your life and your own choice - only you know what is more important to you in a relationship or work. Remember that the final decision is always yours: ask others to understand where you may be biased, but remember that you will have to live with the consequences.