Consequences of communication with a married man, advice from a psychologist. Is it worth messing with a poor man? He loves you
And it's not about his age...
The fact that he is over 40 and still single is not a problem.
On average, people get married and get married around the age of 30. For some, it takes longer - perhaps due to career, self-realization, unsuccessful and protracted relationships.
Maybe he wanted to try as many women as possible, but now he's finally ready to settle down. And there is nothing wrong with that. But if you notice the following 9 signs in a man over 40, then most likely he is still not ready for a serious relationship:
1. He offers to meet only occasionally.
Maybe once every couple of weeks. Yes, you are good together. But you never know when you'll see him next. You patiently wait and hope, and time goes by.
The truth is that if a man over 40 does not meet with you regularly (at least once a week), then this option suits him. He wants nothing more. If a man wants a serious relationship, then he will try to see you as often as possible, no matter how busy he is.
2. He says he has never loved before.
He is attractive, successful, seems confident, and everything is fine with him. So how is it possible that he has never loved before? You can't imagine it. There are two options: either he is lying to you, which is already bad, or something is wrong with him emotionally. By the age of 40 there should be at least some love. Otherwise, he is unlikely to be able to love you.
3. He doesn't introduce you to his friends.
If you are really interesting to a man, then he will start introducing you to his loved ones 2-3 months after the start of your relationship. This is also important because through his friends you learn more about him. If he does not introduce you to anyone, perhaps he does not want to let you into his inner circle.
4. He is obsessed with his career.
He constantly cancels and reschedules meetings with you because of his insane work schedule, which he is not ready to sacrifice for anything. Of course, you can be patient and wait, but the truth is that he always has an excuse why he can't be with you at a family dinner, etc. You are not his priority. Either deal with it or say goodbye to it.
5. He writes and calls you too much even before your first meeting.
There are men who seem to be head over heels in love with you even before the first date. He texts you all day, calls you every night before bed. And while it seems perfect, it can be a warning sign. Some men do things to seduce you. He ingratiates himself so that you think you already know him well, and so that on the first date you will not be so careful with him.
6. He never calls you from home.
You only hear him when he goes to work, from work, during a break, on the street, but never when he is at home. Whatever he tells you, if he picks up the phone when he's at home, it's a warning sign. Perhaps he is cheating on his girlfriend or wife.
7. He doesn't introduce you to his adult children.
If he has children from previous relationships that are still small, then you can understand why he is slow to get to know them. But if they are already adults, usually a man even wants to know their opinion about you. But if he does not introduce you, then he does not plan for your lives to intersect.
8. You only spend the night with him.
If he spends the night with you, then in the morning he always finds a reason to leave, even if it is a day off. If you spend the night with him, then he also always finds a way to get you out early. He doesn't want a relationship from you, you know.
What to do if a weak man lives next to you? Is it possible to make your chosen one strong and courageous? Read about this and much more at Passion.ru.
“How tired of these weak men! You have to do everything yourself, but you really want to lean on a strong shoulder! - more and more often you can hear from the fair sex.
Are men really becoming more feminine and weak, or are women themselves becoming stronger? What if next to you weak man?
Let's decide what kind of man can be called weak. Conventionally, they can be divided into four types.
About "Mama's Boys"
Weak man
As soon as a woman stops taking on unnecessary responsibility and pulling all the family he becomes completely normal or disappears in search of a new victim.
Relax and trust the man. Remove the entire burden of responsibility from yourself and give most of it to your man. Ask him for help more often, encourage his contribution, and then he will mobilize his forces and stop pretending to be weak.
An emotional man most often has a creative profession or dreamed of it, but the circumstances were different. He very subtly reacts to all the events of the world around him, and therefore may seem like an absolute deadbolt.
In fact, such a man, despite his sensitivity, can have great inner strength and energy. He is taken for a weak one, because he lives in the sphere of feelings, emotions, and the material world with the struggle for survival is not of particular interest to him.
The paradox is that most often such men go to women who are emotionally "stupid", that is, who do not know how to feel and understand other people, who believe that only their opinion is the most correct.
A woman is looking for relaxation, care, softness and tenderness in such a union - what she so lacks in her dynamic and tough life. With an emotional man, she feels like she took vacation from herself.
He is also impressed by her decisiveness, imperiousness, determination, the ability to keep everything under control and vital activity.
Such a man is most of all able to be charming, cheerful and emotional just like that, regardless of achievements. Especially since career- not his forte.
If a woman does not demand from a man unusual aggression and ambitiousness, but learns to enjoy the differences of their union, to receive the emotions that it lacks, then this union can be harmonious and happy.
With what type is it better not to build a relationship?
Weak man
Such a man from childhood is accustomed to his mother's hypertrophied care. He is the real victim of parental love. Most often, children of single mothers or mothers who have not realized themselves in the profession suffer from excessive care.
Mom takes care of him too much, controls every step, because she believes that she knows better what her beloved and only baby needs. As a result, a man brought up in such a family expects the same care from his wife as from his mother. The only acceptable and understandable way for him to exist in the family: he is in the role child, wife as mother.
At the same time, you should not have expectations of what you need strong man. "Mama's son" is easy to manage. If the main thing for you is the complaisance of a man, then you may have an ideal union.
He is easily influenced, so over time you will be able to teach him independence. Just remember that grown children no longer need parents. After all, that is why many women are so afraid of independent and strong men.
Actually, not all women need a strong partner, but they continue to poison their lives by believing in the illusion imposed by mass culture.
If you recognize your desire for leadership and concentrate on the virtues of a "weak" man, not expecting from him what he is not capable of, then both will be absolutely happy.
Why do men become weak?
Weak man
He can earn a lot of money, be sweet and charming, but he cannot accept the most simple solutions in personal life. His personal life is either messy and chaotic, or bleak and depressing.
Even having fallen out of love with both, this man still continues to maintain relations with them, because he is always afraid of something and cannot decide on anything.
Even having made a decision, he constantly doubts its correctness. As a result, it always turns out that women make decisions for him, and he worries about the injustice of the world around him.
Such men often suffer from heart disease and can end up with a massive heart attack, because a life full of secrets, worries and doubts is not conducive to health at all.
In my opinion, this is the most dangerous type of "weak men". Since he cannot make a decision, he breaks not only his life, but also yours, keeping him in suspense for years. If possible, it is better to avoid close relationships with this type.
If you don't want to waste your life on empty games, the only possible way to communicate with this man is an ultimatum. That is, a situation where you specifically say what you want, set deadlines for when this should happen, and report that otherwise your relationship will end.
Happy with such a man can be a woman who is prone to extreme sports, who likes to be in a state of uncertainty all the time, or a woman who enjoys various intrigues and psychological manipulation.
Also harmony of an indecisive man and an assertive, despotic, often tantrum-prone woman is possible, since she will gladly seek the implementation of her decisions from him, and he, in turn, will not have to make a difficult choice.
Do not suppress your man!
Weak man
How does a man become weak and indecisive, bringing disappointment to the lives of women who dream of strong heroes? The answer is simple: women themselves make men like that, raising them "for themselves."
In the past, men were raised by men. IN ancient world this happened on the hunt, in the war, then in gymnasiums, then in military schools, special closed institutions for boys.
Future men were prepared for the role of defenders, warriors, athletes etc. Since childhood, they were “torn off” from their parents, and quite early age the man was fully prepared to be responsible for his own and someone else's life and make decisions.
That's why they subconsciously cultivate in the boy behavior more suitable for the girl: passivity, humility, obedience, submission to the educator, the desire to be “good” and not interfere with your opinion.
They do this not from evil, but only because it is more convenient to control the child. Thus, providing themselves with peace and comfort, women gradually crowd out any manifestations of masculinity.
If a boy has before his eyes a role model of his father's courageous behavior or attends sports section, then everything may not be so scary. But how often mothers themselves scold fathers for giving their sons too much independence!
Of course, loving mothers do such things unconsciously. This behavior is more typical for women whose life is fixated on a child.
Women often give way to boys who have already grown up in public transport, while they themselves stand next to heavy bags, dragging their sports equipment themselves ... In general, they try to make life as easy as possible for a little man.
Raising in this way weakness and inability to take responsibility in a child, these women demand from adult men the manifestation of all these qualities.
Weak man
Another reason for the weakness of men is the increased socialization of women. Having received freedom of expression, women certainly want to achieve everything themselves, and, unfortunately, in the race for success, they completely cease to trust men.
This leads to the fact that they strive for total control in all areas of life and cannot even imagine that it is possible to relax and shift responsibility to a man. Such a woman believes that only she knows how best to do something, what and how it should be.
All this leads to the fact that women behave with adult men as if they were children, subsequently complaining that they are weak and indecisive.
The same thing happens as with the baby: it is difficult to manipulate and control an independent man, therefore it is much safer to live with a dependent and weak man. As a result, the husband adapts and stops making decisions at all.
The wife's scenario that "you can only rely on yourself in life" is confirmed. Moreover, many women purposefully trigger the mechanism male weakness. Wanting to become irreplaceable for a man, they take on most of the problems, thereby hoping to bind a man to themselves.
What to do if a weak man is nearby? The answer to this question is obvious. It is best to do nothing, but to give the man the opportunity to do something himself.
Connection Remember
We all often make mistakes. Sometimes it seems to us that love will overcome all obstacles, so we need to get involved in it up to our ears, and at least the grass does not grow there. Therefore, an affair with a married man is a fairly common occurrence in the lives of women. But, by and large, this is a hopeless adventure with a 99% failure. Why is it better to run away from busy men away and preferably immediately?
1. There is no future
Almost every "married man" will tell you heartbreaking stories about his wife, who is sick with an incurable disease that he cannot leave, about "the youngest will grow up - and we, beloved, will be together", about "do not worry, we have been sleeping with her for 20 years in different rooms, and so on.
All this is a lie and "noodles on the ears." Because if a man wants to leave for another woman, he takes it and leaves, no matter what. Because he understands that living with a woman he does not love and cheating on her is 100 times worse than leaving her and giving her a chance to meet a normal loving man.
2. Pangs of conscience
Of course, there are situations when women have no conscience. Then you can skip this item. But in most cases, it still exists and often reminds of itself with remorse. Therefore, having sex with married man, one way or another, you will be ashamed, and every time you will come up with a million excuses for what you have done, that “this is love!”, Or “this is just sex”, or “it's his fault, I have nothing to do with it”. Self-deception of this kind can work several times, but as the situation drags on, the anvil of shame will become harder and harder. That is, your relationship and "great love" will bring more discomfort than joy. Something's not right here, doesn't it?
3. Waste of time
If you are still not married, but really want to get there, then you should not waste time on already “there” men. You are wasting a lot of time, emotions, health, youth and beauty on a completely hopeless story, while a man, in general, will not lose anything, but will only gain, by the way, for you. This one-sided game will end with your own defeat, and you are unlikely to wait for a prize in the form of an engagement ring and an oath at the altar. When you do realize that there is nothing to catch here, it may be too late. Much has been missed, the rating has fallen, and the vitality has diminished. And the ring right finger is still ring finger.
Frame from the film "Communication"
4.
Expectations and longings
A man busy with another woman will not be able to spend all weekends with you, spend the night next to you every night, and also go on vacation to the ocean, because there is one vacation and two children. Calls, SMS and other communication will occur only when it is convenient for him. The rest of the time, you are unlikely to have the opportunity to freely call him at 3 in the morning with an offer to meet the dawn on the embankment, and he is unlikely to have the opportunity to keep you company. And such inconsistencies will concern everything: in order to avoid publicity and “protecting his wife” from unnecessary information, he will not introduce you to friends, family, take you to his company’s events, and so on. Therefore, most of the time that you spend without it, you will be in a state of constant expectation.
5. tainted karma
Admit it, would you like your husband to cheat on you? I think no. But, you know about the boomerang law - what we do returns to us. All the pain, resentment, suffering that we inflict on others will return sooner or later, and most often in a worse version. In this regard, becoming a mistress, you project into the future that the same situation is quite possible with you, only there you will already be a wife ... The simple rule of life “do not do what you do not want to happen to you” unquestioningly works . And if one or two times you can be lucky in your youth, then you should not flatter yourself, because it will not always be so. And the boomerang will return.
Do not be shy to find out the marital status of a man already during the first dates. Of course, no one prevents him from lying, but usually, if you ask a question at the most inopportune moment and in the forehead, then the lie will be noticeable by reaction. So you will get the exact answer - is it worth continuing the relationship with this wonderful single man or finishing without starting, so as not to suffer later for a much longer period.
Hello dear readers of the magazine site.
The question of the consequences of having a relationship with a married man comes up so often. Let's take a look at the issues that concern women. Why are such connections dangerous? Consequences of delusions on the male account for the woman? How to break these unpromising relationship? Tips on how to survive a breakup if you love a married man?
Relationships between men and women have been and always will be complex. But even more of them are added when a girl starts dating a married man. The consequences of a relationship with a married man will surely bring only problems and grief. Do not flatter yourself about them, they only need new sensations. And pink dreams and greed for flattery, in the end, lead a woman to despair and loss.
Any psychologist will tell you that relationships with married people have no future. A man by nature is not permanent. New emotions of impression are important to him, and if a woman can gradually come to terms with the routine, devoting herself to children, then a man will not burden himself. He will go to look for new impressions on the side, and what the consequences will be, he will think about it later.
The problem of a woman in quick attachment to a partner. Not everyone can fall in love at first sight. A woman loves with her ears, which is what notorious womanizers use. Single ladies fall into the category of particular risk. Those who have their own business or are simply so insecure that the manifestation of attention is already becoming an event in life. Such women want to find an outlet, and sometimes they find out about the marriage union of their chosen ones when they have already fallen in love.
Upon learning that a loved one is busy, smart and strong natures will immediately break off relations. But not everyone is like that, most believe in fairy tales told by married people regularly. As advice, it is better to immediately run away from such a man.
There is no guarantee that you are the first or the last. He can easily meet with others in parallel. But there is still a wife who also suffers from the adventures of her husband. Put yourself in her place, then you will understand the illusory nature of all his promises, he also swore eternal love to her when he got married, right?
Why does a man take a mistress
What guides a married husband when he starts looking for a mistress? Here is how the men themselves answer this question:
- Looking for another partner is a natural instinct, you can't run away from it. That is why any of the friends will always cover for the unfaithful spouse if his wife starts asking questions.
- The search for new sensations, the opportunity to know the forbidden, such things can be incited and best friends, putting pressure on the most precious thing, the pride of a man. Like: "You're a man, but it's weak to have an affair on the side?" And the like.
- Tired of housework. The wife is always tired, with a sore head, too busy.
- Family problems and scandals. Daily sawing and pressure from the wife do not contribute to strengthening the marriage.
- Just because they can afford it. Sometimes prosperity makes men think that everything is allowed to them, and the wife will endure everything.
This is only a small part of the excuses that men themselves convince themselves. In fact, the main reason is male attitude to life in general. They are sick of looking for complicated ways to solve family problems, it is much easier to run away from them. And then, when they get tired of wandering, they return to the family, asking for forgiveness, someone sincerely, someone, afraid to end up alone.
A woman should be aware that a man is a big child who does not want to have only one toy. At first, he is interested, but how he plays enough, he wants another. And the fact that there are many more women than men plays into their hands. Do not flatter yourself about them, love yourself first of all, then you will force yourself to be respected.
Likes or dislikes, where is the truth
A woman wants to be loved. And a married man, knowing this, after all, already has experience, seduces with promises and assurances of eternal passion and love. And sometimes it is difficult to understand what is true and what is false.
Psychologists say that a man goes through several stages of love:
- Attraction, passion, desire. He feels these emotions for any girl who attracts his attention. This feeling, which men put on a par with love, lasts for a year at most two.
- Attachment - they begin to experience this only with very close people, with those who are told the most secret secrets, they ask for advice. This does not happen often, and happens mainly with wives. It is with them that a man spends more time, a mistress is only a temporary refuge.
- Habit, responsibility, care - such feelings awaken in a man after 5-7 years, it all depends on the individual. Of course, children make a significant contribution to the development of attachment. It is difficult to break such a relationship, especially a fleeting hobby.
If a man really loves a woman, he will not cheat. will take correct solution and quickly, there is no need to push, the initiative will come from him.
Of course, feelings can fade over time, and new ones appear for another person. Therefore, if you feel that you are falling in love with a married man, then it is better to talk to him directly right away. True love will not be built on tricks and lies, to you or your wife. The truth is cruel and painful, but better than wasting precious time in a relationship with the wrong person.
What problems arise in connection with a married man
Relations with an unfree man will give little joy. After all, being a lover means being constantly alone, and only furtively experiencing happiness. Only here is a logical question, is such happiness worth the loss best years life?
Family for a man will always come first. And all the fairy tales told to you in private are just a distraction. To make you feel sorry for him. Therefore, men try to play on the biggest weakness of a woman, the maternal instinct. When a person dear to your heart feels bad, you instinctively try to get closer to him, thereby driving yourself further into the abyss of sadness and suffering that will come after his departure.
Tip: Give your love only to worthy men who will appreciate you.
Sooner or later, a woman begins to think about her own family, children. A married man will not give you such a guarantee. You should not reassure yourself that you are an exception and your lover will definitely fulfill his promises. According to statistics, only 2 percent of men leave families, but even in this case, there is no guarantee that he will not return as soon as he gets tired of you.
An established marital relationship is a comfort zone from which no man wants to get out. At home, a delicious dinner is always waiting for him, a clean house, loving children, a forgiving wife whom her husband has known for many years. Well, what kind of a man would drop all this and go to an unfamiliar woman, not knowing what kind of life awaits him there.
The problem of women is that there is no solidarity between them, unlike men. Not a single mistress will put herself in the place of her wife in order to understand how she feels deceived. But after all, the husband deceives not only his wife, but also his mistress, showering her with promises that he is not going to fulfill. And at the first sign or talk about a joint future, he will simply leave and find another.
Another important problem that can arise in a married relationship is a child. For a woman, this is happiness, but a married man will immediately see this as a huge problem. And it will do this:
- Will leave her mistress to solve this problem on her own;
- He will send him for an abortion because he does not need obligations, so he has his own family.
- At best, he will support the child, occasionally seeing him.
- Well, quite a rarity, he will take responsibility for telling everything to his wife. It is impossible to predict the consequences of such a decision, but one thing is clear, someone will suffer.
Can a relationship with a married man bring pleasure
Married people do not need problems, but they want new sensations that they are deprived of in the family. They are careful and will not call at the wrong time, it is easy to meet with them on the sly, there is no need to constantly give expensive gifts, because the husband may start asking uncomfortable questions. But there are still diseases that can be contracted by having promiscuous relationships.
Therefore, if a married man wants to start a relationship on the side, it is most convenient to look for married woman. Smart people do just that. But not all are married, beautiful and young. Therefore, a man faces a dilemma: security or pleasure, which he values higher.
Feminists are extremely scrupulous in matters of their own freedom. They value it more than family happiness. And the maternal instinct may wake up too late, if never at all. The destiny of such women is loneliness, surrounded only by pets.
Attention: How to build your life is up to you, but you should not believe that your own happiness, built on the grief of another person, can bring joy.
Women associate fate with married men for various reasons:
- Naively, this is especially true of inexperienced young girls who believe that princes exist.
- Fear of serious relationships and responsibility. This is inherent in notorious ladies whose childhood was problematic. So it is worth contacting a psychologist.
- Complexes associated with many things: appearance, manner of speech, fear of men. In such cases, it is also worth consulting with a specialist and taking courses to improve self-esteem.
- This is the easiest way to achieve success and prosperity at the expense of wealthy men.
Whatever your desire to date a married person is, stop for a moment and think about your future. What will it be like in two, three, five years? What guarantee can he give you?
The youth of a woman is not eternal, it flows through her fingers, and men always look at beauty, and only then they only try to look into the soul. Don't waste your time and energy on the unworthy. Not free guys are only able to promise, speak their teeth, put pressure on pity. Appreciate yourself, do not be content with the crumbs that a married man gives you.
How to cut ties with a married man
Breaking up with a married man is difficult. And the point is not only that it will be bad for you, your heart will begin to yearn and mental suffering will become unbearable. The main problem is in the man himself, because if you break with him, then you hurt his pride and male pride. And this is worse than all your experiences.
Because social problems can also be added to them. A man will start insulting you in front of all the acquaintances he knows, trouble at work will begin. Even if the wife finds out, he will present the story in such a way that it was you who treacherously seduced his unfortunate man.
No man will ever admit his mistakes, trying to blame others for them. And the mistress, like no other, fits the role of an evil witch. If you decide to leave, get ready for the fact that he will not let you go just like that. He will start calling and again promising mountains of gold. Therefore, change your phone number, ideally, of course, work and city. Thus, you will minimize even casual meetings.
Most after a while will simply fall behind and find a new object. And you can start all over again and maybe meet your true love.
How to restore peace of mind after a breakup
Breakup always hurts. No matter how long you've been together, it's harder for a woman to bear the loss. Unlike men, a woman loves first of all with her heart and soul, and then with her body. Emotionally attached, then it's hard to get rid of feelings. A man experiences much easier by switching his attention to another object.
Take a break for something. Find an interesting hobby, delve into work, it helps not to think every minute about the betrayal and meanness of a loved one. Make new friends, do not close yourself off from the world, communication heals.
Instead of looking for businessmen, look for single promising guys. After all, a strong and successful man is brought up by a woman, with her support, advice, love and care. So is it worth wasting energy on someone who does not appreciate all this, already having a wife?