Is it possible to refuse to be a godmother or godmother? Who can be godparents. How to refuse a godmother? is it possible? What to do if offered to become a godmother
Reader question:
Hello! We baptized our daughter, and our godmother is the ex-wife of my husband's brother, and we live in the same apartment. She does not fulfill her duties as a godmother, and recently she began to accuse me of cheating with her man, our family of stealing, and the child should not leave our room at all. Is it possible to cancel the godmother or rewrite the child to another godmother?
Archpriest Andrey Efanov answers:
Dear Natalia, in the tradition of Russian Orthodoxy, there is no mechanism for depriving the authorities and duties of the recipients during baptism and transferring them to another person. On the one hand, godparents are called godparents, and parents should be honored regardless of their qualities. But, on the other hand, when parents renounce their duty, children are assigned to another family. And, just as there are foster parents, it seems to me that there can also be foster godparents - these are people who can take the trouble to help parents in the flesh in the spiritual upbringing of a child. In principle, the official procedure of "spiritual adoption" is not so important for this, especially since it does not exist. The factual side is more important. You wrote that the godmother does not fulfill her duties, but did not specify which ones. She doesn't take the child to the temple? You can do it yourself. Not engaged in the spiritual education of your child? But then you can do this yourself or ask your acquaintances from those who are church-bound and have free time to help you in the spiritual enlightenment of the child.
I am sure that the duties of a godmother can also be performed by parents. After all, it's their child! If help is needed, then in any church the priest can instruct the parishioners to help the child become churched. The main thing is that parents want this, then everything will work out.
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Hello, then why attach godparents who, as a result, do not carry their cross, and even better, when you find out that they are also not believers, you have lost faith ... Then then tie people to this responsible business ... It is clear that we the parents themselves, in the end, will educate their own children without any godparents, but at the same time, in my heart there is a question for that person, WHY ... WHY ... If this is how it turns out later, then let the parents baptize without anyone, but whoever helps, he will help even without baptism ... So that later I say there would be no pretensions to those people who take on the spiritual cross ... And then maybe people will live with a different understanding of this rite ... Otherwise they baptize, it seems like she made a commitment, but in the end, why is it needed ... You are a mother, you and mess with your child ... Well, isn't it funny ...
BAPTISM PROHIBITIONS
The most important rule, which the clergy are tired of repeating, concerns the presence of godparents in the church. If a person was not present during the ceremony, he is not considered a godfather.
Of course, no one forbids helping a child and praying for him, but by his presence, the godfather agrees to be the recipient and undertakes to raise the child according to the Christian faith. This cannot be done in absentia.
Only those who have already been baptized can be godparents. Moreover, the main godfather of the child is one: the boy has a father, the girl has a mother. Therefore, if there are no other options, one person can be present at the christening. The mother is strictly prohibited from attending the sacrament for 40 days after the birth. Until that time, it is considered unclean. The ban on entering the temple also applies to the godmother, if the day of christening coincided with her menstruation.
It is forbidden to baptize a child to a person who has become a monk or has a mental disorder. Parents cannot be godparents to their own child. This prohibition also applies to adoptive parents.
Marriages and love relationships between godchildren and their godchildren, godchildren and physical parents are strictly prohibited. The issue of the marriage of godparents to each other is controversial and is treated differently in different churches. Although it is generally accepted in our country that it is undesirable to take a married couple for godparents, but this is more a tradition than a ban. Church ministers remind that spiritual kinship is always higher than physical.
“By the Decree of the Holy Synod of December 31, 1837, the relationship between the recipient and the recipient was recognized as non-existent. The recipients of the same child can enter into a church marriage.
Husband and wife are allowed to be godparents of different children in the same family. And it is allowed to baptize children "cross to cross", that is, the child's parents (at least one of them) can be godparents with their godfathers.
It is forbidden to conduct the holy rite of baptism knowingly a second time. If a person does not know whether he was baptized, the sacrament can be performed only after the permission of the priest.
In ancient canons there is a ban on bathing a child after christening. Ablution must be performed on the eighth day after the ceremony. It is forbidden to commune a child baptized before 40 days from birth. The first communion is possible only after churching, which takes place on the fortieth day of life or later.
In order to prevent violations and spoil the holiday, go to the temple in advance and find out from the priest how to properly conduct the ceremony, how to prepare, what you need to buy in advance, and what you can in the church.
If you have godchildren, remember them not only for birthdays. Invite the children to go to church for confession and communion. And in daily prayer, always ask the Lord for protection and blessings for them.
The offer to become a godparent is usually considered honorable and joyful. However, there are circumstances when people cannot or do not want to take on the role of a recipient in the Sacrament of Baptism. And among the people it is believed that it is impossible to refuse: since they called in godfathers–must necessarily agree.
Photo berin.com.ua
Archpriest Mikhail Kushnir, rector of the Church of the Miracle of the Archangel Michael of God in Khonekh, Sloboda Shargorodskaya village in the Vinnytsia region, tells how to act in such a situation.
- When they offer to become a godfather or mother, it does honor to a person. After all, native parents entrust their child to people who will later be responsible for his spiritual growth. And I won’t speak or I can’t – it’s somehow not good.
But now the time is such that many are looking for godparents who can become a sponsor of the child. So, of course, it is wrong and should not be. But people often say that they were invited to be godparents, and then they put conditions on what exactly they should give the child for a year, two, etc. - gold earrings or a chain, something else expensive. Or they want to help with money in this and that. And godparents should spiritually enrich the child. Therefore, if a person feels and understands that he is offered to become a godfather only for the sake of financially helping the child, incurring certain expenses, then you can refuse. Especially if he can't afford it financially.
But when they offer to be a real godfather, how can you refuse?! It is the Lord who gives and blesses the Church. Moreover, when they are invited to be godparents, it is usually known what kind of family it is, how parents relate to the Church and the Sacrament of Baptism. Because there are many such people who baptize their children not by faith, but simply for the sake of tradition.
There are many godparents who formally relate to their role in the life of the child. It is easier for them to give gifts than to engage in spiritual education. Because they themselves do not go to church and do not live by faith and with God.
Why take such people as godparents?! They are just spiritual drones. We must improve and not only live materially. Godparents need to take people who remember that there are commandments of the Lord, and try to live by them.
- And if the family is spiritually dysfunctional and they invite you to be godparents simply “because it is necessary”, but they will not let you participate in the spiritual education of the child?
– Be sure to agree and take on spiritual obligations for the child. Let such a person rejoice that the Lord gives him a life to serve. If a person has brought at least one soul to God, this is already a great reward in Heaven. If the child’s step towards Christ has already been taken, and the parents of the baby, although simply for the sake of the ceremony, invited him to be godparents, then later the godfather will be able to influence the spiritual development of his godson. He simply has to do it. And if at first the parents don’t really like it, over time they will stop interfering and arguing. And even when there will be no opportunity to be near the child, you can pray for him.
- And if the parents have poor heredity, obvious moral vices and it’s scary to take responsibility for an allegedly difficult child?
“Man cannot know how the Lord's will will manifest itself. In a dysfunctional family, a good child can grow up and vice versa. Everything is in the hands of God, everything is determined by the Lord. You need to live for today and try to do everything necessary. If you put spiritual food into a child, it will still manifest itself and help. Therefore, in such a situation, one cannot refuse to be a godfather and one must rely on the will of the Lord.
And if there is an opportunity to be a godfather, take care of the child spiritually and help him, then you need to go for it. The Lord told the apostles to preach throughout the world, so the laity should also carry the word of God into their homes, their families, and those whom the Lord sends to us.
About 20 years ago I baptized a boy from a very dysfunctional family. Then it was still difficult to find godparents who would confess before the Sacrament of the Baptism of an infant. And it so happened that over time, the godfather of this boy began to go to church and take communion, and I told his parents that only for the sake of this boy did the Lord protect their family.
Because the boy, albeit with obvious developmental problems, is always in the temple at all services. And wherever he doesn’t meet me on the street, he always asks for a blessing and shows others that, they say, also ask for a blessing from the priest. He is one of a huge and very dysfunctional family who goes to confession, and during Lent he also brings some of his relatives. That's how the Lord rules.
And when a baby is baptized, there should always be godparents. We do not live in the desert, and someone must take responsibility. We must always remember and understand that if we are truly Orthodox Christians and there is an opportunity to participate in the Church Sacraments, then we must strive to act in such a way as to bring spiritual benefit. There are times when you need to lend a helping hand. If we help a physically ill person, give pills, call an ambulance, then this is spiritual help.
- If a person refused to be a godfather–it is a sin?
“I don’t know whether in the eyes of the Lord it is a sin or not a sin. It matters how the person refused and under what circumstances. You need to confess, tell the priest about it, and then - how the Lord will manage.
Interviewed by Marina Bogdanova
The Sacrament of Baptism: Answers to Readers' Questions
Why are children baptized?
What are the duties of godparents? Can a girl become a godmother to a girl?
Is it possible to refuse to be a godfather? In what cases can baptism be refused?
The sacrament of Baptism: answers to questions
What is baptism? Why is it called a sacrament?
Baptism is one of the seven sacraments of the Orthodox Church, in which the believer, when the body is immersed three times in water with the invocation of the name of the Most Holy Trinity - the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, dies to a sinful life, and is reborn by the Holy Spirit for Eternal Life. Of course, there is a basis for this action in the Holy Scriptures: "He who is not born of water and the Spirit cannot enter the Kingdom of God" (John 3:5). Christ says in the Gospel: “Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved; but whoever does not believe will be condemned” (Mark 16:16).
So, baptism is necessary for a person to be saved. Baptism is a new birth for spiritual life, in which a person can reach the Kingdom of Heaven. And it is called a sacrament because through it, in a mysterious, incomprehensible way for us, the invisible saving power of God, grace, acts on the person being baptized. Like other sacraments, baptism is established by God. The Lord Jesus Christ himself, sending the apostles to preach the gospel, taught them to baptize people: “Go, make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit” (Matthew 28:19). Having been baptized, a person becomes a member of the Church of Christ and from now on can proceed to the rest of the sacraments of the Church.
Is it possible to baptize infants, because they do not have an independent faith?
Quite right, young children do not have independent, conscious faith. But don't the parents who brought their child to be baptized in the temple of God have it? Will they not instill faith in God in their child from childhood? It is obvious that parents have such a faith, and most likely will instill it in their child. In addition, the child will also have godparents - godparents from the baptismal font, who vouch for him and undertake to raise their godchild in the Orthodox faith. Thus, infants are baptized not according to their own faith, but according to the faith of their parents and godparents who brought the child to baptism.
The New Testament baptism was typified by the Old Testament circumcision. In the Old Testament, babies were brought to the temple for circumcision on the eighth day. By this, the child's parents showed their and his faith and belonging to God's chosen people. Christians can say the same about baptism in the words of John Chrysostom: "Baptism is the most obvious difference and separation of the faithful from the unbelievers." Moreover, there is a basis for this in the Holy Scriptures: “They were circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, by putting off the sinful body of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ; being buried with Him in baptism” (Col. 2:11-12). That is, baptism is a dying and burial for sin and a resurrection for a perfect life with Christ.
When should children be baptized?
There are no specific rules in this matter. But usually children are baptized on the 40th day after birth, although this can be done earlier or later. The main thing is not to postpone baptism for a long time unless absolutely necessary. It would be wrong to deprive a child of such a great sacrament for the sake of the circumstances.
Is it possible to baptize children on fasting days?
Yes, you certainly may! But technically it doesn't always work. In some churches, during the days of Great Lent, they baptize only on Saturdays and Sundays. This practice is most likely based on the fact that weekday Lenten services are very long, and the intervals between morning and evening services can be short. On Saturdays and Sundays, divine services are somewhat shorter in time, and priests can devote more time to the requirements. Therefore, when planning the day of baptism, it is better to find out in advance about the rules observed in the temple where the child will be baptized. Well, if we talk about the days on which you can baptize, then there are no restrictions on this issue. You can baptize children on any day when there are no technical obstacles to this.
How many godparents should a child have?
Church rules prescribe to have a godparent for the child of the same sex as the person being baptized. That is, for a boy - a man, and for a girl - a woman. In tradition, both godparents are usually chosen for the child: father and mother. This does not contradict the canons in any way. It will also not be a contradiction if, if necessary, the child has a godfather of a different sex than the baptized person himself. The main thing is that it should be a truly believing person who would subsequently conscientiously fulfill his duties of raising a child in the Orthodox faith. Thus, a baptized person can have one or, at most, two godparents.
What are the requirements for godparents?
The first and main requirement is the undoubted Orthodox faith of the recipients. Godparents must be church-going people, living the church life. After all, they will have to teach their godson or goddaughter the basics of the Orthodox faith, to give spiritual instructions. If they themselves are ignorant of these matters, what will they be able to teach the child? The godparents have a huge responsibility for the spiritual upbringing of their godchildren, for they, together with their parents, are responsible for it before God. This responsibility begins with the renunciation of "Satan, and all his works, and all his angels, and all his ministry, and all his pride." Thus, the godparents, answering for their godson, make a promise that their godchild will be a Christian.
If the godson is already an adult and pronounces the words of renunciation himself, then the godparents present at the same time become guarantors before the Church in the fidelity of his words. Godparents are obliged to teach their godchildren to resort to the saving Sacraments of the Church, mainly confession and communion, they must give them knowledge about the meaning of worship, the features of the church calendar, and the grace-filled power of miraculous icons and other shrines. The godparents must accustom those taken from the font to attend church services, fast, pray, and observe other provisions of the church charter. But the main thing is that godparents should always pray for their godson. Obviously, strangers cannot be godparents, for example, some kind-hearted grandmother from the church, whom her parents persuaded to “hold” the baby at baptism.
But also, you should not take as godparents just close people or relatives who do not meet the spiritual requirements that were outlined above.
Godparents should not become an object of personal gain for the parents of the baptized. The desire to intermarry with a profitable person, for example, with a boss, often guides parents when choosing godparents for a child. At the same time, forgetting about the true purpose of baptism, parents can deprive the child of a real godfather, and impose on him one who subsequently will not at all care about the spiritual upbringing of the child, for which he himself will also answer to God. Unrepentant sinners and people leading an immoral lifestyle cannot become godparents.
Is it possible for a woman to become a godmother on the days of the monthly cleansing? What to do if it did happen?
On such days, women should refrain from participating in church sacraments, which include baptism. But if this did happen, then it is necessary to repent at confession.
How do future godparents prepare for baptism?
There are no special rules for preparing recipients for baptism. At some churches, special talks are held, the purpose of which is usually to explain to a person all the provisions of the Orthodox faith regarding baptism and acceptance. If there is an opportunity to attend such conversations, then it is necessary to do this, because. this is very helpful for future godparents. If the future godparents are sufficiently churched, they constantly confess and take communion, then attending such conversations will be a completely sufficient measure of preparation for them.
If potential recipients themselves are not yet sufficiently churched, then a good preparation for them will be not only acquiring the necessary knowledge about church life, but also studying the Holy Scriptures, the basic rules of Christian piety, as well as a three-day fast, confession and communion before the sacrament of baptism. There are several other traditions regarding recipients. Usually the godfather takes care of the payment (if any) for the baptism itself and the purchase of a pectoral cross for his godson. The godmother buys a baptismal cross for the girl, and also brings the things necessary for baptism. Typically, a christening kit includes a baptismal shirt, a sheet and a towel.
But these traditions are not binding. Often, different regions and even individual churches have their own traditions, the implementation of which is strictly monitored by parishioners and even priests, although they do not have any dogmatic and canonical foundations. Therefore, it is better to learn more about them in the temple in which baptism will take place.
What should godparents give for baptism (godson, godson's parents, priest)?
This question does not lie in the spiritual realm, regulated by canonical rules and traditions. But, it seems that the gift should be useful and remind of the day of baptism. Useful gifts on the day of baptism could be icons, the Gospel, spiritual literature, prayer books, etc. In general, in church shops you can now find a lot of interesting and soulful things, so acquiring a worthy gift should not be a big difficulty.
Can non-Orthodox Christians or Gentiles become godparents?
It is quite obvious that they are not, because they will not be able to teach their godson the truths of the Orthodox faith. Not being members of the Orthodox Church, they cannot take part in church sacraments at all.
Unfortunately, many parents do not ask about this in advance and, without any remorse, invite non-Orthodox and Gentile godparents to their children. At baptism, of course, no one talks about this. But then, having learned about the inadmissibility of the deed, the parents run to the temple, asking:
What should I do if this happened by mistake? Is baptism valid in this case? Should a child be baptized?
First of all, such situations show the extreme irresponsibility of parents when choosing godparents for their child. Nevertheless, such cases are not uncommon, and they occur among unchurched people who do not live a church life. An unequivocal answer to the question "what to do in this case?" it is impossible to give, because there is nothing of the kind in the church canons. This is not surprising, since canons and rules are written for members of the Orthodox Church, which cannot be said about heterodox and non-believers. Nevertheless, as a fact, baptism took place, and it cannot be called invalid. It is legal and valid, and the baptized one has become a full-fledged Orthodox Christian, because. was baptized by an Orthodox priest in the name of the Holy Trinity. No rebaptism is required; there is no such concept at all in the Orthodox Church. A person is born once physically, he cannot repeat it again. Likewise - only once a person can be born for spiritual life, so there can be only one baptism.
I will allow myself a small digression and tell the reader how once I had to witness one not very pleasant scene. A young married couple brought their newborn son to the temple for baptism. The couple worked in a foreign company and invited one of their colleagues, a foreigner, a Lutheran, to become godfather. True, a girl of the Orthodox faith was supposed to become a godmother. Neither parents nor future godparents were distinguished by special knowledge in the field of Orthodox dogma. The news of the impossibility of having a Lutheran as godfather of their son was received with hostility by the child's parents. They were asked to find another godfather or to baptize the child with one godmother. But this proposal angered the father and mother even more. The stubborn desire to see this particular person as the successor prevailed over the common sense of the parents and the priest had to refuse to baptize the child. So the illiteracy of the parents became an obstacle to the baptism of their child.
Thank God that such situations no longer occurred in my priestly practice. The curious reader may well assume that there may be some obstacles to receiving the sacrament of baptism. And he will be absolutely right. So:
In what case can a priest refuse a person to be baptized?
Orthodox believe in God the Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The founder of the Christian faith was the Son - the Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, a person who does not accept the divinity of Christ and does not believe in the Holy Trinity cannot be an Orthodox Christian. Also, a person who denies the truths of the Orthodox faith cannot become an Orthodox Christian. The priest has the right to refuse to baptize a person if he is going to accept the sacrament as some kind of magical rite or has some pagan belief regarding baptism itself. But this is a separate issue and I will touch on it later.
A very common question about receivers is the question:
Can spouses or those who are about to get married become godparents?
The spiritual relationship established between the recipients in the sacrament of baptism is higher than any other union, even marriage. Therefore, spouses cannot become godparents for one child. By doing this, they will question the possibility of the continued existence of their marriage. But one by one, they may well be godparents to different children from the same family. Cannot become godparents and those who are going to marry, because. becoming godparents, they will have a spiritual degree of kinship, which is higher than the physical. They will have to end their relationship and limit themselves only to spiritual kinship.
Unfortunately, many do not know this. And from this ignorance, sometimes completely undesirable consequences follow, such as the marriage of the sponsors. So:
What if a man and a woman became godparents for one child, and then got married?
If this happened due to their ignorance of church canons, then this is not so bad. It is worse if, knowing about the impossibility of their marriage, they nevertheless decided to get married, and at the wedding they did not say anything to the priest about their spiritual relationship. In any case, this issue can only be resolved by the highest church authority in the person of the ruling bishop. For this, it is necessary to apply to the diocesan administration with a corresponding petition addressed to the ruling bishop. The marriage will either be declared invalid, or the spouses will be called to repentance for the sin committed in ignorance.
There is also a slightly different situation, when, out of ignorance, the spouses became the recipients. The question arises:
What to do if spouses became ignorantly godparents?
The resolution of this issue is also under the jurisdiction of the diocesan bishop. In such a case, it is worth doing the same as in the case of married spouses, i.e. apply to the diocesan administration with a corresponding petition addressed to the bishop.
Sometimes unchurched parents of children, wanting to choose godparents for their children, ask the following question:
Can people living in a civil marriage become godparents?
At first glance, this is a rather complicated issue, but from the ecclesiastical point of view, it is resolved unambiguously. Such a family cannot be called complete. And in general it is impossible to call prodigal cohabitation a family. After all, in fact, people living in the so-called civil marriage live in fornication. This is a big problem in modern society. People baptized in the Orthodox Church, at least conscious of themselves as Christians, for some incomprehensible reasons, refuse to legitimize their union not only before God (which is undoubtedly more important), but also before the state. There are countless answers to be heard. But, unfortunately, these people simply do not want to understand that they are looking for any excuses for themselves.
For God, the desire to “get to know each other better” or “unwillingness to stain the passport with unnecessary stamps” cannot be an excuse for fornication. In fact, people living in a “civil” marriage trample on all Christian concepts about marriage and family. Christian marriage implies the responsibility of spouses for each other. During the marriage, they become one, and not two different people who made a promise to live under the same roof from now on. Marriage can be compared to two legs of one body. If one leg stumbles or breaks, won't the other leg bear the full weight of the body? And in a "civil" marriage, people do not even want to take responsibility for putting a stamp in their passport.
What then can be said about such irresponsible people, who at the same time want to be godparents? What good can they teach a child? Can they, having very shaky moral foundations, be able to set a good example for their godson? Not at all. Also, according to church canons, people leading an immoral life (“civil” marriage should be regarded in this way) cannot be recipients from the baptismal font. And if these people finally decide to legitimize their relationship before God and the state, then they, moreover, will not be able to be godparents to one child. Despite the apparent complexity of the question, there can be only one answer to it - unambiguously: no.
The topic of gender relations is always very acute in all areas of human life. It goes without saying that this translates into various issues that are directly related to baptism. Here is one of them:
Can a young man (or girl) become a godfather for his bride (groom)?
In this case, they will have to terminate their relationship and limit themselves to only a spiritual connection, because. in the sacrament of baptism, one of them will become the godparent of the other. Can a son marry his own mother? Or a daughter to marry her own father? It is quite obvious that it is not. Of course, church canons cannot allow such a thing to happen.
Much more often than others there are questions about the possible perception of close relatives. So:
Can relatives become godparents?
Grandfathers, grandmothers, uncles and aunts may well become godparents to their little relatives. There is no contradiction to this in church canons. But they should not be married to each other.
Can an adoptive father (mother) become a godfather to an adopted child?
According to Canon 53 of the VI Ecumenical Council, this is unacceptable.
Based on the fact that spiritual kinship is established between godparents and parents, an inquisitive reader may ask the following question:
Can the parents of a child become godparents of their godfathers (their godchildren)?
Yes, this is perfectly acceptable. Such an action in no way violates the spiritual kinship established between parents and recipients, but only strengthens it. One of the parents, for example, the mother of the child can become the godmother of the daughter of one of the godfathers. And the father may well be the godfather of the son of another godfather or godfather. There are other options, but, in any case, the spouses cannot become the recipients of one child.
Sometimes people ask this question:
Can a priest be a godfather (including one who performs the sacrament of baptism)?
Yes maybe. In general, this question is very urgent. From time to time I have to hear a request to become a godfather from people completely unfamiliar to me. Parents bring their child to be baptized. For some reason, there was no godfather for the child. They begin to ask to become a godfather to the child, motivating this request by the fact that they heard from someone that in the absence of a godfather, the priest must fulfill this role. You have to refuse and baptize with one godmother. A priest is the same person as everyone else, and he may well refuse strangers to be godparents to their child. After all, he will have to bear the responsibility for raising his godchild. But how can he do this if he sees this child for the first time and is completely unfamiliar with his parents? And will most likely never see it again. Obviously this is not possible. But a priest (even if he himself will perform the sacrament of baptism) or, for example, a deacon (and the one who will concelebrate with the priest for the sacrament of baptism) may well become godparents for the children of their friends, acquaintances or parishioners. There are no canonical barriers to this.
Continuing the theme of reception, one cannot help but recall such a phenomenon as the desire of parents due to some, sometimes completely incomprehensible, reasons to “take a godfather in absentia”.
Is it possible to take a godfather "in absentia"?
The very meaning of reception presupposes the acceptance by the godfather of his godson from the font itself. By his presence, the godfather agrees to be the recipient of the baptized and undertakes to educate him in the Orthodox faith. This cannot be done in absentia. In the end, the person whom they are trying to “record in absentia” as godparents may not agree to this action at all, and, as a result, the person being baptized may be left without a godfather at all.
Sometimes from parishioners you have to hear questions about the following:
How many times can a person become a godfather?
In the Orthodox Church there is no clear canonical definition as to how many times a person can become a godfather during a lifetime. The main thing that a person who agrees to become a recipient should remember is a great responsibility for which he will have to answer before God. The measure of this responsibility determines how many times a person will be able to take on the reception. For each person, this measure is different and, sooner or later, a person may have to give up a new perception.
Is it possible to refuse to become a godfather? Wouldn't that be a sin?
If a person feels an inner unpreparedness or has fundamental fears that he will not be able to conscientiously fulfill the duties of a godparent, then he may well refuse the parents of the child (or the baptized person himself, if it is an adult) to become their child's godfather. There is no sin in this. It will be more honest in relation to the child, his parents and himself than, having taken responsibility for the spiritual upbringing of the child, not fulfilling his immediate duties.
Continuing this topic, here are a few more questions that people usually ask about the number of possible godchildren.
Can I become a godfather to the second child in the family, if I already had one with the first?
Yes, you can. There are no canonical barriers to this.
Is it possible for one person during baptism to be the recipient of several people (for example, twins)?
There are no canonical restrictions on this. But technically it can be quite difficult if babies are being baptized. The recipient will have to hold and receive both babies from the font at the same time. It would be better if each godson had his own godparents. After all, each of those baptized individually are different people who have the right to their godfather.
Probably, many will be interested in the following question:
At what age can you become a foster child?
Underage children cannot become godparents. But, even if a person has not yet reached the age of majority, then his age should be such that he can realize the full burden of the responsibility taken upon himself, and will conscientiously fulfill his duties as a godfather. It seems that this may be the age close to adulthood.
The relationship between the child's parents and godparents also plays an important role in the upbringing of children. It is good when parents and godparents have spiritual unity and direct all their efforts towards the proper spiritual upbringing of their child. But human relationships are not always cloudless, and sometimes one has to hear such a question:
What to do if you quarreled with the parents of your godson and for this reason you cannot see him?
The answer suggests itself: to make peace with the parents of the godson. For what can a child be taught by people who have a spiritual relationship and at the same time are at enmity with each other? It is worth thinking not about personal ambitions, but about raising a child and, having gained patience and humility, try to establish relations with the godson's parents. The same can be said for the parents of the child.
But a quarrel is not always the reason that the godfather cannot see the godson for a long time.
What to do if, due to objective reasons, you do not see your godson for years?
I think that the objective reasons are the physical separation of the godfather from the godson. This is possible if the parents moved with the child to another city, country. In this case, it remains only to pray for the godson and, if possible, communicate with him using all available means of communication.
Unfortunately, some godparents, having christened the baby, completely forget about their immediate duties. Sometimes the reason for this is not only the recipient's elementary ignorance of his duties, but his falling into grave sins that make their own spiritual life very difficult. Then the parents of the child involuntarily raise a completely legitimate question:
Is it possible to refuse godparents who do not fulfill their duties, who have fallen into serious sins or lead an immoral lifestyle?
The Orthodox Church does not know the order of refusal of godparents. But parents can find an adult who, not being the actual recipient from the font, would help in the spiritual upbringing of the child. At the same time, one cannot consider him a godfather.
But having such an assistant is better than depriving the child of communication with a spiritual mentor and friend altogether. After all, a moment may come when the child begins to seek spiritual authority not only in the family, but also outside it. And at this moment such an assistant would be very helpful. And a child, as they grow older, can be taught to pray for the godfather. After all, the spiritual connection of a child with a person who took him from the font will not be broken if he takes responsibility for a person who himself has not coped with this responsibility. It happens that children surpass their parents and mentors in prayer and piety.
Prayer for a sinner or a stray will be a manifestation of love for this person. After all, it is not for nothing that the Apostle James says in his epistle to Christians: “Pray for one another that you may be healed; the fervent prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much” (James 5:16). But all these actions must be coordinated with your confessor and receive a blessing on them.
When is there no need for godparents?
There is always a need for godparents. Especially for children. But not every adult baptized can boast of a good knowledge of the Holy Scriptures and church canons. If necessary, an adult can be baptized without godparents, because. he has a conscious faith in God and can quite independently pronounce the words of renunciation of Satan, combine with Christ and read the Creed. He is fully accountable for his actions. The same cannot be said for babies and young children. The godparents do it all for them. But, in case of extreme need, you can baptize a child without godparents. Such a need, of course, can be the complete absence of worthy godparents.
Godless time has left its mark on the destinies of many people. The result of this was that some people, after long years of unbelief, finally gained faith in God, but when they came to the temple, they did not know whether they had been baptized in childhood by believing relatives. A logical question arises:
Is it necessary to baptize a person who does not know for sure whether he was baptized in childhood?
According to Canon 84 of the VI Ecumenical Council, such people must be baptized if there are no witnesses who could confirm or deny the fact of their baptism. In this case, a person is baptized, pronouncing the formula: “If not baptized, the servant (slave) of God is baptized ...”.
What does a person who is preparing to become an Orthodox Christian need to know? How can he prepare for the sacrament of baptism?
A person's knowledge of faith begins with the reading of the Holy Scriptures. Therefore, a person who wants to be baptized, first of all, needs to read the Gospel. After reading the Gospel, a person may have a number of questions that require a competent answer. Such answers can be obtained at the so-called catechumens, which are held in many temples. At such conversations, the fundamentals of the Orthodox faith are explained to those who wish to be baptized. If there are no such conversations at the temple in which the person is going to be baptized, then you can ask all the questions of interest to the priest in the temple. It will also be useful to read some books that explain Christian dogmas, such as the Law of God. It will be good if, before accepting the sacrament of baptism, a person memorizes the Creed, which briefly outlines the Orthodox dogma about God and the Church. This prayer will be read at baptism, and it would be great if the person being baptized himself confessed his faith. Direct preparation begins a few days before baptism. These days are special, so you should not scatter your attention on other, even very important, problems. It is worth devoting this time to spiritual and moral reflections, avoiding fuss, empty talk, participation in various entertainments. It must be remembered that baptism, like the other sacraments, is great and holy. It must be approached with the greatest awe and reverence. It is advisable to observe a fast for 2-3 days, living in marriage on the eve of the night to refrain from marital relations. You need to be extremely clean and tidy for baptism. You can wear new fancy clothes. Women should not wear make-up, as they always do when visiting a temple.
There are many superstitions associated with the sacrament of baptism, which I would also like to touch on in this article. One of the most common superstitions is:
Can a girl be the first to baptize a girl? They say that if a girl is baptized first, and not a boy, then the godmother will give her happiness ...
This statement is also a superstition that has no basis either in the Holy Scriptures or in church canons and traditions. And happiness, if it is deserved before God, will not go anywhere from a person.
Another odd thought I've heard over and over again:
Can a pregnant woman become a godmother? Would this affect her own child or godson in some way?
Yes, you certainly may. Such a delusion has nothing to do with church canons and traditions and is also superstition. Participation in church sacraments can only be to the benefit of the expectant mother. I also had to baptize pregnant women. Babies were born strong and healthy.
A lot of superstitions are associated with the so-called crossing. Moreover, the reasons for such a crazy action are sometimes indicated very bizarre and even funny. But most of these justifications are pagan and occult in origin. Here, for example, is one of the most common superstitions of occult origin:
Is it true that in order to remove the damage induced on a person, it is necessary to re-baptize, and keep the new name a secret so that new attempts at witchcraft do not work, because. conjure precisely in the name?
To be honest, hearing such statements, I want to laugh heartily. But, unfortunately, it's not funny. What kind of pagan denseness does an Orthodox person need to reach in order to decide that baptism is a kind of magical ritual, a kind of antidote for corruption. An antidote for some vague substance that no one even knows the definition of. What is this ghostly corruption? It is unlikely that anyone who is so afraid of her will be able to clearly answer this question. This is not surprising. Instead of looking for God in life and fulfilling His commandments, the "church" people with enviable zeal are looking for the mother of all evils in everything - damage. And where does it come from?
I will allow myself a small lyrical digression. A man is walking down the street, stumbled. All jinxed! We urgently need to run to the temple to put a candle so that everything is fine and the evil eye passes. While walking to the temple, he stumbled again. Looks like they not only jinxed it, but also caused damage! Ooh, wicked! Well, nothing, now I will come to the temple, I will pray, I will buy candles, I will stick all the candlesticks, I will fight the corruption with all my might. The man ran to the temple, on the porch he again stumbled and fell. Everyone - lie down and die! Damage to death, a family curse, well, and there is some kind of disgusting thing there, I forgot the name, but also something very terrible. Cocktail "three in one"! Against this, candles and prayer will not help, this is a serious matter, an ancient voodoo spell! There is only one way out - to be baptized again, and only with a new name, so that when these same voodoo slanders on the old name are whispered and needles are stuck into dolls, all their spells fly by. They will not know the new name. And all witchcraft is done in the name, didn’t you know? What fun it will be when they whisper and conjure intensely there, and everything will fly by! Bang, bang and - by! Oh, it's good when there is baptism - a cure for all diseases!
This is how superstitions associated with re-baptism appear. But much more often, the sources of these superstitions are the figures of the occult sciences, i.e. fortunetellers, psychics, healers and other "gifted by God" personalities. These tireless "generators" of newfangled occult terminology use all sorts of tricks to seduce a person. Birth curses, and crowns of celibacy, and karmic knots of fate, translations, love spells with lapels and other occult nonsense are used. And all that needs to be done to get rid of all this is to cross yourself. And there was no damage. And laughter and sin! But many peck at these near-church tricks of "mothers Glafir" and "fathers Tikhonov", and run to the temple for re-baptism. It’s good if they tell them where they have such an ardent desire to cross themselves, and they will be denied this blasphemy, having previously explained what trips to the occultists are fraught with. And some do not even say that they have already been baptized and are baptized again. There are also those who are baptized several times, because. previous baptisms "didn't help". And they won't help! Greater blasphemy over the sacrament is difficult to imagine. After all, the Lord knows the heart of a person, knows about all his thoughts.
It is worth saying a few words about the name, which is so advised to change "good people." A person is given a name on the eighth day from birth, but since many do not know about this, basically a prayer for naming is read by a priest immediately before baptism. Surely everyone knows that the name is given to a person in honor of one of the saints. And it is this saint who is our patron and intercessor for us before God. And, of course, it seems that every Christian should call on his saint as often as possible and ask for his prayers before the throne of the Almighty. But what actually happens? Not only does a person neglect his name, but he also neglects his saint, in whose honor he is named. And instead of calling for help from his heavenly patron, his saint, at the moment of trouble or danger, he visits fortune-tellers and psychics. The “reward” for this will be appropriate.
There is another superstition related directly to the sacrament of baptism itself. Almost immediately after baptism, the rite of hair cutting follows. At the same time, the recipient is given a piece of wax, in which it is supposed to roll the cut hair. This wax receiver must throw into the water. This is where the fun begins. Not sure where the question comes from:
Is it true that if wax with cut hair sinks at baptism, then the life of the person being baptized will be short?
No, this is a superstition. According to the laws of physics, wax cannot sink in water at all. But if you throw it from a height with sufficient force, then at the first moment it will really go under water. Fortunately, if the superstitious godfather does not see this moment and "fortune telling on baptismal wax" will give a positive result. But, as soon as the godfather notices the moment the wax is immersed in water, lamentations immediately begin, and the newly-made Christian is almost buried alive. After that, it is sometimes difficult to get out of a state of terrible depression the parents of a child who are told about the “sign of God” seen at baptism. Of course, this superstition has no basis in church canons and traditions.
Summing up, I would like to note that baptism is a great sacrament, and the approach to it should be reverent and deliberate. It is sad to see people who have received the sacrament of baptism and continue to live their former sinful lives. Having been baptized, a person must remember that now he is an Orthodox Christian, a warrior of Christ, a member of the Church. It owes a lot. First of all, to love. Love for God and neighbor. So let each of us, regardless of when he was baptized, fulfill these commandments. Then we can hope that the Lord will lead us into the Kingdom of Heaven. That Kingdom, the path to which the sacrament of Baptism opens for us.
Dear editor!
You write that your journal is for the doubters.
Therefore, when a friend turned to me with a request to become the godfather of his son, I agreed, almost without hesitation. Of course, I understood what a big responsibility it is - to be the child's godfather. Moreover, his parents (i.e., my friend and his wife) were not particularly churchly. Father - in fact, an unbeliever, although he was not against ("Let women play religion. Now everyone baptizes children. Are we worse?"). Mom is closer to the Church, but she also "understands" that there are other, more "serious" things in life ("After all, we are not some kind of fanatics"). I knew all this, but I agreed, having warned my parents that I was going to take my duties as a godfather seriously: to give communion to a child, take him to church, and so on. They didn't mind.
We really carried the baby to the temple for Communion a couple of times. After the service, on the way home, I spoke for a long time and, as it seemed to me, cleverly, about the importance of the Sacrament of Communion, about the life of the Church. Mom smiled, dad (who never went to church himself, but was waiting for us at home - for a "glass of tea") was also supportive, and I felt like Prince Vladimir in a single family.
But one day I decided to visit my godson. I took the icon as a gift, sweets for tea ... Over tea, we talked about everything, as usual. But suddenly Tanya (the mother of my godson) said: "By the way, Seryozha, I recently read an article about the Cathedral of Christ the Savior ... It's just awful. I left it especially for you." I quickly skimmed through a small publication (I don’t even remember which newspaper from now), which said that the bas-reliefs installed on the Cathedral of Christ were not made of marble, but of plastic or something like that. At first, I didn’t even understand why it hurt Tanya so much. In principle, all tabloid newspapers did not fail to “kick” the Church once again. So what! “How!” Tatyana was indignant, “they shouted “Symbol, symbol!”, And now the people are being deceived!” I tried to say that I do not believe these journalists, that they do not care about the Cathedral of Christ, and faith. The only purpose of such publications is to once again denigrate the Church, to kick it once again. But Tatyana did not want to understand me at all. Her husband also came to her aid: “Yes, how can you defend this whole scam with the Cathedral of Christ the Savior! They pulled money from the people, which, by the way, could be used to restore so many churches. And in general, what’s unclear here, I always said that all the priests are grabbers... The simple people are fooling. Read," he shouted to me, "at least Nekrasov." I also began to get excited, explaining to them that the money received for the Cathedral of Christ the Savior was given only for him, that no one would ever receive it for other churches. That this is a really important symbol for the whole nation. And in general, this is not the point, you need to understand how difficult it is for everyone now. But no one listened to me. Following Nekrasov, they remembered the "Rural Procession for Easter", and the excommunication of Tolstoy and the Roerichs, and priests in Mercedes, and, of course, the disgraced film by Scorsese.
Passions ran high, and suddenly, unwittingly, I added fuel to the fire: Why did you baptize Petka then, if your Church is so bad!?" Tanya's answer stunned me: "What did you baptize! Well, yes. Faith is in the soul. While let him grow, look. So we called you to be godparents. Petenka will grow up, he will have a school, a yard, all sorts of friends. And you. You are a church person, tell about faith. And let him choose. We don't forbid it!"
I did not expect such a turn at all! Of course, I understood that we baptized the baby in a non-church family, but I was so hoping that by helping the boy, together with my parents, we would "grow in the faith." Moreover, they always listened to me like that, with such genuine interest. And suddenly: the Church for them, at best, is a varnishing of antiquity, a kind of museum-reserve, and at worst, nothing more than an unnecessary institution for deceiving the people. I don’t remember how we smoothed out sharp corners then. The parting was not very pleasant ...
This conversation completely blew me away. How, - I thought, - how can I be a godfather, if they (parents) are not going to raise their son in Orthodoxy? What should I do? No matter how I tried to find a definitive answer, nothing worked. All the talk about the difficulties of the cross and advice to pray for parents began to seem to me the excuses of those who do not want to seriously deal with this problem. And only quite recently, a priest very respected by me somewhat clarified the situation for me. In response to my outpourings, he said quite harshly: “In general, I think that it is necessary to be very careful about the baptism of babies. Otherwise, we baptize everyone, but no one brings them up in the faith. "They can't baptize them, let alone tell their godson something. So it turns out to be profanation. By the way, in the early Church they didn't baptize pagan children, but only children in Christian families who are able to give the baby the basic concepts of faith. But what to do, today is a different time" . Yes this is true. And now I do not always convince my acquaintances to baptize their little children without fail, if the parents themselves are far from church people. But more and more often I ask myself the same question: Or maybe I became a godfather in vain?
Sergey Lissitzky, 31 years old, Moscow
"MY FAVORITE GODDAM..."
Our correspondent talks about the problem of godparents with Archpriest Vladimir VOROBYOV, rector of the Orthodox St. Tikhon Theological Institute (Moscow).
Corr.: Father Vladimir, how would you comment on the letter, what would you advise its author?
O.V .: First of all, the author of the letter does not need to conflict with the parents of the godson. Because now, when he has already become a godfather (after all, he could refuse at first) - one must remember his main goal. And this goal is to “tie” the child to God with love, to show him the way to the Church with his love and example. If he conflicts with his parents, then he will not be able to do this. Therefore, it is better to solve all problems in peace.
You need to be able to show a bright and kind way. Now in life there is so little truly bright, joyful, such a lack of love that naturally the soul of a child is drawn to it. And if the child feels the love of the godfather, then he will definitely cling to him, he will definitely fall in love and want to perceive what the godfather says, he will want to be like him.
Corr.: You said that it was possible to refuse...
O.V.: Yes, you can refuse. True, I would not give specific recipes, "simulate" possible situations ... After all, the human soul is a mystery. And based only on some rational, even canonical, legal considerations, it is often not possible to make the right decision. It is necessary to pray to God, to ask the Lord to help you feel with your heart what to do.
Corr.: Father Vladimir, but still, if a person, after praying and looking into himself, understands that he cannot be a godfather. How can he explain this to people in a way that does not offend them? Some time ago I refused to be godfather to an adult already - my friend - so he is still offended by me ...
O.V .: Instead of answering, I will tell you such a case. Recently, a priest from our institute went with students on a missionary trip to the north, to Pinega. There they saw a heavy picture. A large village, in which there is one small prayer house, there are few believers, there is no priest. Our father served there, baptizing those who wished. At first, the people were suspicious of him for a very simple reason: the priest who used to be there took a lot of money for Baptism, did everything very formally (by the way, he is no longer a priest of the Russian Orthodox Church, he moved to
"Filaret" split). Therefore, the people met our father not very friendly. But when people saw that he baptizes for free, that good guys came with him, help, sing that everything is done with love, then the people simply “tumbled” into the temple ...
On one of the days during the Liturgy, children who had been baptized the day before came up to Communion. Then it turned out that among them was an unbaptized boy - there were many children and the priest could not remember all of them, and he was also communed. When the boy was asked: "Are you baptized?" He replied that he did not, but he came to be baptized. I just didn’t know that they received communion after Baptism. Everyone was given communion, and he decided that it was necessary to take communion. Then it turned out that this boy had an alcoholic mother, his father hanged himself, two brothers drowned in the river, and his sister was seriously ill with polio. The boy is 10 years old, and he is seven years old. He is very poorly fed, poorly developed physically, but very good and quick-witted. It was impossible to find a godfather for him, but he asked very much to be baptized. Then one of our students agreed to be a godfather - you cannot baptize without a godfather. After Baptism, the boy never left our missionaries. Showed up at 7am and left at 12pm. And in these few days he learned to read Slavonic, began to help in the service: he served a censer, walked with a candle - and it was clear that an inner blessed light appeared in his soul. When leaving, the guys told him to help when a new priest arrived. And he answered: "Yes, I will wait and help."
Did this student do the right thing by agreeing to be a godfather? Of course, he will often not be able to travel there to the north, but he will pray for him, he will write letters. Would it have been better to refuse? Not to baptize because there is no godfather? Where can you find a godfather?
I would say so. You can refuse when your refusal does not entail the refusal of Baptism in general.
Corr.: Father Vladimir, you said that a child cannot be baptized without a godfather. But surely it wasn't always like that? What is the general history of the "institute" of godparents?
OV: Already the apostles baptized many people. They were adults and were baptized quite freely and consciously. No violence is allowed here.
In general, this is not magic, not witchcraft, not a magical rite that protects against diseases, troubles, the evil eye and other troubles, or gives earthly well-being. Baptism does not make a person "a real Greek or Russian" and does not create the "necessary conditions for further psychic treatment." This is a Christian sacrament, which, according to Christ, gives birth to a person by water and spirit into a new life with God. And this life a person must choose consciously, himself.
Of course, in the time of the apostles, with such an understanding of the sacrament, the question of the baptism of infants could not and did not stand.
But as soon as the first Christian families appeared, an acute problem immediately arose: babies who could not consciously accept baptism turned out to be deprived of the grace in which the whole family lived. It turned out that the children could not be members of the Church to which the older members of the family belonged. But the Lord said: "Do not forbid the children to come to Me" (Matt. 19:14).
This absurdity, of course, could not be tolerated. The Church recognized itself as the Body of Christ (Eph. 1:22-23) - a single divine-human organism, each member of which is not a separate individual, but part of one living whole, and therefore, naturally, the first Christians already began to baptize their children. But it is important to remember (especially now, when the religious situation in Russia is so reminiscent of the Roman Empire in early Christian times) that the Church did not just agree to baptize all babies in a row. It was about children in CHRISTIAN families, i.e. where education and life in the Church were guaranteed. As the priest rightly noted to the author of the letter to Sergei, Christians did not baptize babies from pagan families.
Precisely because the stay of a child within the Church was the most important condition for Baptism, the Church (in addition to the churchness of the parents) approved one more indispensable requirement: at the Baptism of an infant, an additional guarantor is supplied - a recipient.
Corr.: That is, the godfather?
O.V .: Yes, although this word was not used at first. The recipient is a person who is not just "present" at the Sacrament of Baptism, but before God assumes obligations and responsibility for the church upbringing of the child.
Corr.: Father, is it really necessary for a baby to have two godparents?
O.V.: No. Completely optional. Moreover, according to the canons of the Ecumenical Councils, when a girl is baptized, only a godparent is needed, and when a boy is baptized, a godparent is needed. Much later in Russia, for each child, they began to call two godparents. At the same time, the likeness of their parents according to the flesh was born. And from here came the corresponding names: godmother and godfather.
In reality, in the Sacrament of Baptism, the SPIRITUAL BIRTH of a person is accomplished by grace, and God Himself is the Father in this birth, and the Holy Church is the Mother. This idea is emphasized by the well-known words of the saint of the III century - the holy martyr Cyprian of Carthage: "To whom the Church is not a mother, to him God is not a Father."
Corr.: Father Vladimir, what, according to the teachings of the Church, are the main duties of sponsors?
O.V .: Parents take responsibility for the upbringing of the child. Therefore, in the rite of proclamation* they pronounce baptismal vows and confess the Orthodox faith on behalf of the infant. By doing this, they undertake to raise him in such a way that he would consider these vows and confession as his own. That is why the Sacrament is completely absurd and profane when it turns out at the christening that the godparents do not know the Creed, or, even worse, cannot cross themselves correctly.
It's no secret that among people who are not quite church, but still want to baptize their children, there is a very common desire to choose godparents from among their friends, girlfriends or "useful" acquaintances, because christening is a good occasion to celebrate and "make a feast" , enter into a useful and pleasant "family" relationship. If, at the same time, parents and sponsors are not going to provide the baby with church life and upbringing, that is, they will not often receive communion in the Church, teach faith and prayer, the commandments, instill love for the church, etc., then this means that with them side, the sacrament of Baptism is profaned.
Corr.: And what does this profanation mean from the ecclesiastical point of view?
O.V.: All the Sacraments are given by God for our salvation. But they can also be committed "in condemnation" of a person (that is, instead of the expected benefit, bring harm). If a person proceeds to the Sacrament without proper faith and seriousness, then the consequences of sin (profanation of the Sacrament) will affect both parents and godparents, and, possibly, the most innocent baby through the fault of his closest adult relatives. Sad experience convinces us of this.
To understand what I mean, imagine this picture. In winter, the mother heats the stove in the house, lights a kerosene lamp. The house is made warm and light, on the stove she cooks the necessary food. But if she handles fire incorrectly, thoughtlessly, then a fire may occur in which the house, the children, and herself will burn. Without fire, life is impossible, but fire requires a proper attitude. So without Baptism there will be no real life. But you need to be baptized with faith and a desire to live the gift of life.
Corr.: Nevertheless, I would like to return to the beginning of the conversation: does a person have the right to refuse to be a godfather?
O.V .: In the early years of the priesthood, I refused to baptize several times when they came to me directly "from the street." And every time this happened, my conscience tormented me. I couldn't find my place. Based on canonical considerations, I did exactly the right thing: I did not have the right to baptize. But for some reason, my soul could not calm down, my conscience simply tormented me. When I did exactly the opposite: I baptized, although people were completely unprepared, and tried with a kind attitude and kindness to make them feel that it was GOOD IN THE CHURCH, I tried to make them WANT TO STAY, my soul was calm and joyful! Therefore, it seems to me that the “zealots of order” who rationalize church life, who today appeal to ancient church traditions in matters of Baptism, are most often simply unreasonable children compared to those wise simple priests who have less learning, but more love and spiritual intuition. .
Corr.: Father Vladimir, but now you are talking more about the tasks of a priest?
O.V .: The manner of actions of the priest and the godfather are very similar. The priest must first of all meet everyone who comes to the temple WITH LOVE. Show the love of Christ - especially in our terrible time. And the godfather should behave in the same way. This is very important, much more important than many other things! This will plant a seed that will then sprout. Maybe not soon, but it turns out that the child was not baptized in vain. Parents will remember - what a good father was, who baptized you (or godfather), you should go to him.
And it is no coincidence that a huge number of people who were completely "incorrectly" baptized still have a good attitude towards the Church, and many eventually become believers. How can you say that they were baptized in vain! Of course, there are mistakes and abuses. But I think that in many such cases the priest is to blame. Especially if formally baptizes. After all, formally, in a Pharisaical way, to perform the Sacrament is a much more serious offense on the part of the priest than the formal attitude of those wishing to be baptized. After all, the priest knows and understands what is at stake. And the people who come, for the most part, do not know, do not imagine what the Sacrament of Baptism is. And only by love can they discover the meaning of the great Sacrament.
Corr.: Father, can the future godfather demand anything from the godson's parents, if you like, set his own conditions?
O.V.: You see, this question is not quite, I would say, productive. More precisely, the answer to it. Theoretically, the godfather can and should warn parents that the child will be raised in the spirit of the Church, etc. - here your correspondent Sergey did everything right. But in practice, such a warning is either not required (if the parents are church), or it is then forgotten by the parents or understood by them in their own way, as described in the letter. Therefore, in such cases, you need to act according to the situation, and, as I said, in no case do not conflict, but solve all problems, guided by love. Well, you need to warn your parents, of course. You just have to be prepared for any consequences.
Corr.: Father Vladimir, I have a few more "minor" questions. First of all, do adults need godparents?
O.V.: Of course, the sponsor of an adult who is being baptized no longer bears the same responsibility that is assigned to the sponsor of an infant. An adult himself consciously and responsibly makes his choice, decides to be baptized and become a member of the Church, he himself undergoes a preliminary catechization ** and repents for his past sins, he himself pronounces baptismal vows and professes his Orthodox faith. The recipient in this case is called to be a senior friend, called to help the churching of the newly baptized. In extreme cases, an adult can be baptized without a godfather, if the priest is confident in the preparedness and seriousness of the person being baptized.
Corr.: Is it true that some special kinship arises between the "godfathers" and they can no longer, for example, marry each other?
O.V.: Yes, that's right. According to the canons, at Baptism, "spiritual kinship" arises only between the godson, his parents and the godfather, or between the goddaughter, her parents and the godmother, i.e. the godchild cannot marry the widowed mother of the godson, and the godchild cannot marry the widowed father of the goddaughter.
Corr.: Father, let's once again define the duties of a godfather in modern conditions. What should he do under ANY circumstances, in ANY situation?
O.V .: If by modern conditions we mean cases similar to those described in Sergei’s letter, that is, when non-church parents, at the time of Baptism, promised not to interfere with the child’s godfather to church the child and raise him in the faith, then they forget about it, they don’t let him go to church, they say “when he grows up, he will figure it out on his own”, then here you can advise first of all to pray and love the child in such a way, bind him to yourself with love so that, growing up, he himself wants to be the same believer as his beloved godfather. It is important that the child grows up with the idea: "my godfather is a real Christian. I want to be like him."
Corr.: Father Vladimir, but what if there is no opportunity to meet with the godson often. For example, I can't see mine every month. And another one of my godsons lives in another city - I see him once a year.
OV: This is bad. But this cannot be an excuse either. So, you need to write letters ... It is necessary that the child constantly feel your love. Otherwise, why become a godfather? Therefore, in the letter that you showed, Sergei should not justify himself by the non-church nature of his parents. After all, they don't chase him. Yes, and there is no need for him to educate them. His task is to love his godson and make him love him. As Christ says: "By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:35).
* Announcement - the service that precedes Baptism and prepares it.
** Catechization (announcement) - preparation for Baptism, consisting in teaching the truths of faith